Unschooling Through College

ATTN: UNSCHOOLERS -- Stanford is Offering Free Online Classes!

2011-12-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

Stanford is offering free non-credit online classes starting January 2012!

This looks like an amazing resource for unschoolers! I unfortunately don't have time to take any of these classes myself, but please let me know if you end up trying it out- I'd love to hear about the experience. See links below for details.

Entrepreneurship Courses:

Lean Launchpad

Technology Entrepreneurship

Medicine Courses:

Anatomy

Civil and Electrical Engineering Courses:

Making Green Buildings

Information Theory

Complex Systems Courses:

Model Thinking

Computer Science Courses:

Computer Science 101

Machine Learning

Software Engineering for Software as a Service

Human-Computer Interaction

Natural Language Processing

Game Theory

Probabilistic Graphical Models

Cryptography

Design and Analysis of Algorithms I

Computer Security

I got the job!

2011-08-08T19:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I walked into the interview, and they offered me the job, right then and there.

So I am now officially an English Tutor at my University. I'll tutor one-on-one with international students, and I'll work in the classrooms too, as a teachers assistant. Also, on occasion, I'll get to act as a "chaperone" on special trips that the international students take (including skiing trips, rafting trips, etc).

I'm pretty excited about this!

Unschooling Hate

2011-08-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

CNN just wrote an incredibly positive article about Unschooling. (Click HERE to read it.) I've seen so many negative articles and news segments about unschooling, so it's really nice to actually find a positive one for once. I felt satisfied, and happy for the unschooling community when I read it.

...But then I made the mistake of scrolling down, and reading the comments.

Here are a few, just to get a feeling of what I'm talking about. I don't even want to start to address them right now, they are so ridiculous. I might do a follow-up post later... but right now, just read these.

"These kids probably have wealthy parents who got suckered into this "new age" education bullbleep. If any of their resumes lands on my desk it's going straight to the paper shredder."

"And then they grow up and cannot deal with a world that requires a degree of organization. They cannot hold a job where they need to do specific tasks at specific times. We wonder why the U S falls further and further behind in math, science, etc. while we champion goofy ideas like this"

"Yeah? What happens when they enter the workforce? Think the company will let them do whatever they want on their own time?"
"Any parent who deliberately does this to their children should be charged with child abuse"

Japanese Summer School

2011-08-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

This summer I decided to take 15 credits of Japanese.

That's an entire year of Japanese (the second year, 201, 202 and 203) squished into nine weeks.

Lets repeat that.

15 credits in nine weeks.

So, this is what my life has looked like lately:

Wake up at 5:45
Shower, eat breakfast.
Briefly review.
Leave the house at 7:00 on the dot to catch the bus.
Study for test while on bus.
Sit in class for five hours.
Get home around 1:00.
Eat lunch.
Chill out and let my brain relax for a bit.
Homework.
Dinner
Study
Bed

Repeat.

That is what everyday, Monday to Friday ends up looking like. I also find time to practice violin and piano, go to music lessons, hang out with friends, and look for jobs, but it is safe to say that Japanese has pretty much taken over my life at this point. We have an average of three tests everyday, and your grades are never curved. If you don't pass, too bad, you'll have to repeat. No exceptions. Because of this, everyone studies like nuts. You have to, to survive.

This is probably the most intense academic experience I've ever had, but crazily enough, I sort of love it. Classes are taught only in Japanese, so my listening skills are really improving. Since everyone spends so much time together in class, we've all become friends. The professors are some of the greatest professors I've ever had in college, and they take their jobs seriously. I feel like I'm getting my money's worth, and I genuinely enjoy going to class most of the time. My Japanese is blossoming. I am happy.

Also, unrelated but worth mentioning, I've been looking for another job, ever since I quit the miserable soul-sucking one. I came across a really great opportunity, and applied, and amazingly enough I have an interview on Monday. I am SO excited, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, because this seems like a pretty select and competitive job. I'll share the details about it if they hire me, but it basically involves working with International Students at the University. I'm stoked. But still, trying not to get too excited. Keep your fingers crossed, everyone!

Getting a job as an unschooler? "Scandalous!"

2011-06-02T18:03:00.000-07:00

Way back in November, I got a job. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision, I'm not really sure how it happened, but somehow it did. I randomly saw that one place was hiring, submitted an application, cover letter and resume, and less than a week later, I was hired. Who has such luck? In this recession, I somehow ended up with the first job I randomly applied for?

Amazingly, that's exactly how it worked out.

So, I got a job, working in a supermarket. Bagging groceries, collecting stray carts from the parking lot, and basically doing all the extra things that needed to be done around the store. I wasn't really sure what I was getting myself into, but I was excited and interested to see what it would be like. Seventeen is a good age to have this kind of job, to test the waters and see what it's like.

Now, first of all, I was supposed to be part-time, but they made me work 35 hours in my first week. The first few months were really rough. I was working HARD, and for little money (minimum wage). My managers yelled at me a lot, for no apparent reason, we were over scheduled and I often ended up with nothing to do but "look busy" and people were rushing around madly buying things for the holidays. It was stressful. I was not pleased with my life.

In January, things got somewhat better. I started university classes again, and the company highly values going to school so they started scheduling me around my classes (which made it impossible for them to schedule me ridiculous 35 hour weeks, thank goodness for that).

But I hated it. Yes, I was making some money, paying for my "education" and saving the rest, but I honestly didn't care about the money. Maybe that's stupid and naive of me, but I still really don't care about money. That's not to say I spend frivolously, because I don't. Ask anyone I know -- they'll tell you that I save everything. All my paychecks went directly into my bank account and I still have not touched them for anything other than school.

And if I didn't care about money, why was I still there? I dreaded the days I had to work. I dreaded being yelled at for things that were not my fault, for dealing with whiny customers who treated me like dirt, and for standing around trying to look busy when there was really no reason for me to be there. The whole situation was bringing me down.

So, yesterday, I gave my two weeks notice.

Maybe this was stupid, my parents certainly seem to think so. But I have enough money to pay my tuition through the summer (I'm going to Japanese summer school, more on that later) and I plan on finding another job at the end of the summer. January of 2012 is when I officially will become a full time university student, and I plan to be working again by then.

Of course the economy sucks, there's the recession, and I live in a place that has an awful unemployment rate. Everyone is looking for jobs. But, I have faith that something will work out. There has to be something better out there! Working eight months at a job I hated was a valuable experience if nothing else, but I am ready to move on.

I also want to say that being an unschooler didn't seem to hinder me in the job-market at all. I have my GED, and I'm currently a part-time university student. Maybe if I didn't have a GED and I wasn't "doing anything" this would be a different story, but as an unschooler, I had no trouble finding a job. Just wanted to put that out there since some people like to doubt unschoolers in any situation possible.

Getting a job? Without an education? Scandalous!

Hah!

That's all for now!

Unschooling Biology: the aftermath

2011-05-02T18:34:00.000-07:00

The other day, at work, I ran into my biology professor from last term. (That's the funny thing about working at a grocery store -- you're always running into people you know.)

Anyway, I was outside, collecting the stray carts from the parking lot, and my professor was walking by. He stopped and looked at me.

"You look so familiar," he said, scratching his head.
"I was in your biology class last term!" I said, and then I told him my name.
"OH! I remember your name! You did really well!" He said.

I previously wrote about this biology course, about how I ended up constantly helping my lab partners who were absolutely clueless. Here's what ultimately happened: the exams were hard. Not many people got anything above a C. The final exam was intense.

But- I passed.

I got an A in that class.

That's right, me, the unschooler, that kid who never had formal science classes before, that kid who should still technically be in high school.

So when I ran into him, I told him, that I loved his class and I was going to technically become "pre-medical," and he smiled.

"Eight years ago, I had a student," he told me. "She loved my biology class so much that she became pre-med, and this June, she is graduating from medical school. And you know what? You're going to be next."

Q & A?

2011-02-17T16:17:00.000-08:00

Hello, all!
I was just wondering....is there anything specific you would like to hear from me? Any posts you would like me to write? About unschooling, my life in general, work, etc. If any of you have a question or two, feel free to throw them at me and I could put together a question and answer post.

What would you like to see on this blog?

The Adventures of an Unschooler in a Biology Lab....

2011-01-27T21:06:00.000-08:00

(Apology: I haven't written here in way too long, and I'm so sorry! There is lots that needs to be documented here, so I'm really going to make better effort to post more.)

I am taking classes at University again this term (as a part time student, so only half the credits of a full time student), I got into a Biology course that specifically studies the biology of cancer. I love it. I have lectures three days a week, as well as separate labs, and I still can't get enough of it. It's a very fast paced course, which I really enjoy.

On a related note, I've come across some hilarious (that's probably not the right word, in all seriousness) situations with my lab partners. Let me just say, first, that nobody at school is really aware of my age right now. In the past, I've sometimes told a professor, or classmate, if it seems appropriate, but right now, none of my professors or classmates know. Same with my unconventional educational background -- it's just assumed that I'm a run of the mill college student who went to high school beforehand. I don't wish to identify myself as a homeschooler, and unschooling ends up being very difficult to explain in the situations that I've encountered. So I keep my mouth shut in these regards, for the most part.

Anyways, in these biology labs, we're looking at cells undergoing Mitosis, and so far, every single partner I've had has been completely lost. I don't know if this is because they don't go to the lectures, or they just don't care? But for the past four weeks, I've ended up helping my lab partners, as well as random people who ask me for help. They aren't trying to take advantage of me -- they just seriously need help.

This makes me kind of laugh to myself, because through my experience trying to get admitted as a full time student, I've run into some trouble regarding the fact that I hadn't taken any official science courses in a lab setting before. This, according to college admissions, is a very bad thing. Apparently I missed a whole lot in those four years of high school science, despite the fact that I've always had a big fat biology textbook that I read BECAUSE I LIKE IT and I'm GENUINELY INTERESTED IN IT.

(This is a rather sore spot right now thanks to some idiotic admissions counselors, but I'll refrain myself from ranting).

So, here I am, completely comfortable with the material, and somehow in the position to be helping other students who are apparently better educated than me since they went through four years of high school science.

It's a crazy world, people.

I will write more soon!

The Current "Happenings"

2010-11-05T22:46:00.000-07:00

I should really blog more.

I was just thinking back to the days where I used to blog almost everyday. Everyday. Holy cow, I don't know how I ever accomplished that.... Now it's so hard to find enough spare time to write a well-written, intelligent post.

I've been busy, really busy. I'm not taking university classes this term, but somehow I'm managing to stay busy anyway. I don't know how I do this to myself, over and over again. I have this incredible knack for getting myself involved with a bunch of things, which is awesome, just downright tiring sometimes.

But anyway, here's a basic summary of what I've been up to. Each item on the list probably deserves a whole post of it's own, but for now, this will have to do because I'm too tired to seriously elaborate.

1. I job shadowed the pediatrician twice more, saw some even more intense things. The doctors got more used to me and started assigning me tasks like holding down screaming babies while procedures are performed, carrying extra papers (consent forms) around for them, and reminding them of all the things they forget to do. Ha!

2. No, I never did get the chicken-pox. But they still made me stay quarantined to my house for two weeks. Fun -- not.

3. I'm not exactly sure how to phrase this, but I went to an anatomy lab, put on some gloves, and hung out with some partially dissected cadavers. A human physiology grad student kindly offered to take me and another fellow unschooler there to let us see what goes on with the bodies. It was fantastic. I plan on writing a huge elaborate post about this, because it was one of the best experiences ever.

4. Applied for a part-time job, and they called me back the day after I submitted the application. That's a good sign, right? I have an interview on Tuesday.

5. Decided not to take the SAT for a variety of reasons. Again, this really deserves a post of it's own.

6. Stumbled around and made some progress with this whole, "being formally being admitted to university" thing. Honestly, one of the most frustrating things I've ever been through as an unschooler. I plan to write extensively about this at some point, to get the information out there for other unschoolers trying to do the same thing.

7. I've been studying for another test, the SAT II: Japanese subject test. Often abbreviated to the J-SAT. If you've taken this test before, please comment with some words of advice. I've had a really hard time finding resources for it, because apparently, not many people take this test. Aggravating.

8. Very mundane, but I've actually been getting "senior portraits" done. This feels slightly ridiculous to me since I've never set foot into a high school, but my sister just started a photography business and it's been tons of fun pretending to be a model.

9. Auditioned and then got cast as a soloist for an upcoming dance production. I'm excited because it's playing at the biggest theatre in town, on one of my favorite stages! Yay for solos on big stages!

10. Oh yeah, and I somehow managed to teach myself how to play the entire Flight of the Bumblebee on piano. I don't read music. I don't have a teacher. I just teach myself by ear/youtube in my spare time (because I do absurd things like this in my spare time). Maybe a video should come soon?

11. I'm still babysitting the coolest two year old, two times a week. We jump in puddles together.

12. Still chugging through some math studies. I'm determined to learn calculus if it's the last thing I do.

I'm probably forgetting something, but it's 10:44 and I have to wake up early tomorrow, so I'm going to stop here.... I know this is just a rambling, nonsensical list of the happenings of my life, but I figure it's better than nothing. (Er, is it?)

I promise, I'll try to write a real post soon!

Waiting for Superman

2010-10-30T17:35:00.000-07:00

Today I went and saw the documentary "Waiting for Superman."

First of all, I'm a bit surprised the unschooling community has not been talking about this movie more (at least, I haven't seen much talk about it from fellow unschoolers). It is a documentary analyzing the failures of the American public school system -- that just screams unschooler-interest to me.

I, personally, loved it. The documentary has it's flaws, as do lots of documentaries, but all in all, I think it did a really great job of presenting some of the problems at hand. It's a documentary that makes you think, which is only a good thing, and it has gotten people talking. Awareness is the first step to change after all.

Definitely go see this if you are interested in the educational system in American. Actually, you should watch it if you have any interest in education whatsoever.

Here's the trailer:

Asking Questions?

2010-10-03T22:04:00.000-07:00

I think there might be an unfortunate truth to this video....

I am so thankful for all the wonderful teachers in the world, like the theatre teacher in this scene.

(The movie is "Phoebe in Wonderland, in case anyone is wondering...)

Job Shadowing, Day 1

2010-09-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

Last week, I did my first ever job shadow, following a pediatrician around the hospital and experiencing everything he did in a day.

It was FANTASTIC.

Highlights of my first day shadowing:

Watching a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) on a newborn baby.
Observing the dressing change of a HUGE abscess that was spewing pus and blood everywhere (it was awesome).
Watching a frenectomy (look it up, if you dare).

The doctor was very nice (he insisted on buying me lunch) and quite funny. He talked me through every procedure I watched, showed me how to read the patients lab-work, and just went out of his way to teach me as much as possible about whatever task we happened to be doing. He was really great with the patients, and I definitely learned a lot from him. Also, he kept introducing me first as a pre-med student, then as a medical student, and then as an intern. I am none of those titles, but I had no problem with being introduced as them :)

I was only supposed to do four hours of shadowing there due to legal technicalities, but the manager of the pediatrics ward liked me enough that she found a way to extend the paperwork so I could continue shadowing as much as I wanted for the next month! Yeah! How awesome is that?!

There is bad news though- the day after I shadowed, the hospital called and said that everyone was accidentally exposed to the chicken pox (we all came in contact with this patient without having any idea that she was carrying the disease). Everyone had to get their blood tested, and the unfortunate news is that I have absolutely NO immunity to the chicken pox, so it looks like I'm most likely going to get it... (I never had it as a kid, nor was I vaccinated against it).

Apparently, you get the spots about ten days after exposure, and today is day eight. Even if I don't ever get it, I'm technically considered to be carrying the disease for the next two weeks, during which time I will definitely not be allowed back in the hospital, which is the most disappointing part of all.

Oh well! It could be much worse! The pediatrics manager is going to try and fix the paperwork so I can have a full month of shadowing after the spots go away, so I'm really looking forwards to that!

Now just cross your fingers that I don't get hit too hard by the chicken pox!

"Math is a Wonderful Thing...."

2010-09-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

Kudos to those of you who know what movie I'm quoting in the title!

The Plan:

2010-08-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

This fall, I will not be taking any university classes as a part time student.

Instead, I will be:

Brushing up on my Algebra and Geometry, and then learning Trigonometry and Calculus.
Intensely studying biology. I love biology. I want to immerse myself in it.
Volunteering.
Babysitting!
Applying to multiple universities for full time admission next fall.
Working on the two novels I am currently writing.
Possibly taking the SAT.
Job shadowing a doctor (a pediatrician) in a hospital setting.

Need an explanation for the items on that list?

Well, my future (more on that later) looks like it will hold a requirement of two years of calculus, and I would like to be able to do advanced math somewhat confidently before then.

I love biology and I'm always wanting more of it in my life.

Volunteering feels very worthwhile to me.

As for babysitting- I adore little kids, and my current three-day-a-week babysitting (nanny?) job provides a nice little income to pay off my debt (for my education thus far) to my parents.

Yes, I want to go to university full time next fall. There is already a list of places I'm applying to.

I have a complete first draft of novel no. 1 that just needs some major editing and revision. I started another novel because the first one is ridiculously sad and I needed something happy to write, sooooo, now there are two novels! I'd like to be able to put some more serious work into them.

SAT -- bluh. That sort of deserves a post of its own.

If you are interested in one particular profession, job shadowing seems like a really great idea to me.

So, yes, I am going to be learning on my own this fall. Come January, who knows if I'll be back as a part time student. It's certainly a possibility! I loved the classes. I loved the pace of learning, the professors, the people, the content of what was filling my brain, pretty much the whole experience.

But I'm taking this term off to work on the above list alone because honestly, I don't think I could easily handle everything on that list while frantically trying to get papers in on time and all that other stuff that comes with college classes.

So here I am, seventeen and unschooled, as always. I should just be going into my senior year of high school. That's kind of funny to think about... I guess I'm sort of doing the same things as someone who would be going to high school as a senior (applying for full time admissions, etc) but I feel that my life is still dramatically different from a regular high school student.

That's not really anything new though!

Change

2010-08-20T12:24:00.001-07:00

Oh dear.... I went and changed my blog background again. I'm terribly indecisive, and it really shows when, um, I try to make decisions.

(No, really?)

Hah.

Do you like it?

You are a Marvel

2010-08-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

“Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children.”

-Pablo Picasso

annnnd.....I'm back!

2010-07-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

Hello faithful readers, I have returned!

What was doing on the other side of the country? Dancing, of course!

I was at a dance intensive, with classes taught by the masters, casting auditions, and of course, a giant finale show at the end. This program was by audition (they only select 50 people from the US and Canada) so it was quite intense.

I feel like I'm still digesting everything I learned. It was a major dose of inspiration, a reminder of how much I really love dancing, and very refreshing to my technical and performance skills as a dancer. It's incredible how much you can improve in just one week. With such difficult classes taught by the best, you either sink or survive, and sinking isn't really an option. So you keep going, even though it's so hard at times, you push on and keep dancing, and by the end of the week you end up having improved so much, you can't really believe it. I still can't really believe it. It will definitely take some time to digest everything I've learned in such a short period of time.

Now, I am back home, trying to relax and recover a bit. Eating and sleeping lots My body is tired and sore, but I feel so alive right now!

Jubilee

2010-07-12T15:57:00.000-07:00

of candlelight and icy seas
I sailed through the sky
sunlight falling on my face
diamonds in my eyes

and as I hit the late july
I saw Him chillingly
He lifted up my heated haze
and chortled with great glee

lost suddenly, a cloudy haze
a mild guarantee
gathered round, stared us down
swallowed up my glee

freedom sings the devil's song
under brilliant skies
but devil can't contain my soul
he fears no one but I

I stood before the blazing fire,
screamed up to those skies,
"let the guards be terrified-
I am no one but I"

yes, let the guards be terrified!
I am no one but me
and as they'll fall beneath my feet
I live in jubilee

I'll never rest unsettled eves
not ever will I cry
so let them all be terrified
I am no one but I

it's as bewildered heavens close
I look to homeland's gates
and as a silver lining glows
I watch my glimpse of fate

it's suddenly, a cloudy haze
a mild guarantee
gathered round, stared us down
swallowed up my glee

and so those seas, they captured me
crushed within their glow
and now, all that's left inside
is how I wish to roam

I bit my tongue
prayed for sun
but no one hears my plea

they gathered round
stared us down
swallowed up my glee

of broken light and silent seas
I drifted through the sky
raindrops falling from my face
you told me not to cry

I am no one with certainty
but live with certain fear
and as those cloudy spirits grew
I shed a solid tear

you cannot know until you see
what lies behind my eyes
this jubilee, doubt you will
shall whisper your demise

technical difficulties

2010-07-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

I just wrote a long, random post. See below.

But I'm wondering -- can you see all the links? There were a lot in that post, but most ended up being colored dark blue, which is hard to distinguish from my regular black text. I tried to change the color to bright pink, but only half or so are appearing in pink for me...?

Please let me know if they are bright pink, or seemingly indistinguishable for you.

"Aleepy"

2010-07-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

Definition: the fine line between being alert and sleepy.

It was last night, as I lay on the floor with my arms sprawled out over the carpet and I told my friend,

"I'm at this really funny place, the fine line between alert and sleepy."

"Aleepy!" She shrieked.

Silly, we're inventing words now....

our world of disasters

2010-06-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

It feels as if we're living in a world of disasters.

People are dying. The planet is dying. People and the planet start dying together, a harmony of death almost.

But still, the sun continues to shine, the sky is a brilliant blue and the birds are singing. It's so easy to become disconnected from all that is happening, because things seem okay. Unless there is oil in your backyard, or you house crumbled in an earthquake, or you are starving or suffering in some monumental way, your life goes on.

It's easy to forget that we're each just little specks on this big earth.

I enjoy my biceps

2010-06-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Today my brother randomly looked over at me and shrieked,

"Sweet Jesus, look at your biceps!"

Which I find funny. Yes, my biceps are way bigger then his, and he apparently just realized it.

All that dancing pays off!

crunch

2010-06-15T20:37:00.001-07:00

Today is my mom's birthday. Unfortunately, we all have this horrible snot disease that I let loose into the family (these things are somehow always my fault) so our medley of "Happy Birthday" was more like:

"Happy Birth- *COUGH* -day to *COUGH* you!

Hap- *COUGH* -py *COUGHCOUGH* birthday *COUGH* to you!"

I think you get the idea.

And once that song was finally over (and our lungs were just about dead) my dad lowered a knife into the cake which made the most disturbing crunching noise.

CRUNCH.

Then there was a dead silence until someone asked,

"why is the cake crunching?"

My dad (who made this fine creation) just laughed. And coughed some more.

Lets just say it was an interesting birthday celebration and leave it at that.

bumblebee

2010-06-12T11:56:00.000-07:00

This is what I'm doing today:

Learning The Flight of The Bumblebee!

I started yesterday evening, and I've only had a few hours to really work on it, and I'm going to start adding the left hand after my right hand confidently knows what it's doing, hah! But I'm pretty proud of where I've gotten so far! Not bad for never taking a piano lesson and my inability to read music. I'm learning it by ear with a little help from youtube.

And um, I realize that's not the best camera angle for my hand (dude, it looks HUGE) so I apologize for that. And our clunky keyboard has a plastic-y sound that I hate (if you have an unwanted piano, feel free to send it to me!)

But anyway, just thought I'd give you guys a snippet of what I'm up to today!

changes

2010-06-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

To all the dear people who read my blog,

First of all, I'm finally going to stop posting hilarious George Bush videos, so you might be thankful for that.

Second, the reason for this post is to inform that changes are coming!

I've been meaning to make over this blog for a long, long time. Now that blogger has that nifty design feature, I found a beautiful little background to call my own that is much prettier then plain white with purple text.

See? The blue? And the birdies? Isn't it beautiful!

But there's more. There the big one: I've been thinking about changing the name.

There's plenty of explanation for that one -- I've tried to type it out multiple times but it always ends up extremely long and rambling, so I'm thinking maybe I should spare you of the explanation and just tell you what I'm thinking of naming it?

And if you really want the long rambling post, I can write it out for you, but you'll be sorry!

ANYWAY, the name is......

I Know This Much

It was inspired after I wrote this post, and I've come to like how it suits my rambling ways of writing. I've debated on starting a whole new blog, but I like this blog! I've been writing here for a long time! I like going back and reminiscing at my silly grammatical choices, or the ways of rambling I had even at a young(er) age.

And I'm not going to change the name right away. I'm going to give people time to read this post and prepare themselves!

So consider yourselves warned. And isn't the new background beautiful?!

alrighty then

2010-06-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

It all started when my dad read the post about Rachel Corrie. I wrote something like, "and if you don't know who she is, use mister google on the internet machine to find out," which made my dad bust out laughing because it reminded him of something Bush once said, something like "yes, I know how to use the google."

So I ended up finding that exact clip on youtube (you can see it HERE if you so desire), and promptly discovered tons of other video footage of the random/idiotic/stupid/insane/hilarious things Bush has said.

My favorites are the random ones that come out of nowhere. Like the fish comment.

And as for this...I don't really know what to say...but I laughed so hard at the sheer absurdity that I cried.

Alrighty then.

so....we're at war with the fishies?

2010-06-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

I will never get tired of this video clip.

i like this:

2010-06-05T16:54:00.000-07:00

We are all born and someday we’ll all die. Most likely to some degree alone.

What if our aloneness isn’t a tragedy? What if our aloneness is what allows us to speak the truth without being afraid? What if our aloneness is what allows us to adventure – to experience the world as a dynamic presence – as a changeable, interactive thing?

If I lived in Bosnia or Rwanda or who knows where else, needless death wouldn’t be a distant symbol to me, it wouldn’t be a metaphor, it would be a reality.

And I have no right to this metaphor. But I use it to console myself. To give a fraction of meaning to something enormous and needless.

This realization. This realization that I will live my life in this world where I have privileges.
I can’t cool boiling waters in Russia. I can’t be Picasso. I can’t be Jesus. I can’t save the planet single-handedly.

I can wash dishes.

-Rachel Corrie, in an email to her family in 2003, found here: http://rachelcorriefoundation.org/rachel/emails

(If you don't know who Rachel Corrie is, use mister google on the internet machine to find out.)

quote of the day

2010-06-02T07:15:00.000-07:00

"When I open my eyes I must sigh, for what I see is contrary to my religion, and I must despise the world which does not know that music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy."

--Beethoven

i know this much

2010-06-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

Here I am, just this small dot in the world really. A minuscule. Compared to it all, I am nothing. But I guess everyone is something, even if a small something. At least, we have the potential to be something, but when it all comes down to it, I think we tend to blindly turn away from that opportunity.

We can choose our surroundings, to an extent. Choose the people you want to affect, and be affected by. Choose the places in this world that need your help, and go there. Find ways to help, to help the people who need it most and give yourself selflessly to the notion of doing good. Live with love. Make your life have purpose.

Or stay sheltered in your tiny home in the middle of nowhere. Sit on your couch and watch tv, eat pizza, go to school, get a job, work for the man, grow up and die.

Die without accomplishment. Die holding on to the materialistic things we are trained to love. Die without ever really helping someone. Die without knowing how blessed you are.

We can't choose our own destinys, but we can get up and go out into the world with our starry eyes full of hope and wonder. We can find the things that rip our souls apart and try to change them. We can find something worth fighting for and give it our all.

We're only given so long on this earth, some longer then others, but we all die. We are all going to die, and nobody knows what's next. Heaven? Maybe. Eternal darkness? Maybe. Hell? Who the heck knows really, but in my uncertainty I tend to stay away from Hell. If nobody really knows, there's no point in hypothesizing about the worst possible case.

(And really, I think it's incredibly sad that some people need the punishment of hell to keep them away from doing bad things. Do good for others, because it is right. Not because you're scared of going to hell- but I guess that's a whole 'nother subject...)

But my point is, if we only have so long, we should take control of our lives and LIVE. We should be doing something worthwhile instead of sitting here watching time go by. We should go and feed the hungry, heal the hurting, join hands with other individuals willing to help and change the injustices in the world. We should make this precious time matter!

But I also think, because in the grand scheme of things we are nothing, that we should embrace and hold near to our hearts the little things. The tiny miraculous moments that have touched my life and made all the hard stuff worthwhile. Like when we walked through the night, giggling like crazy in our fancy party attire and I was singing Minnie The Moocher, one of you was quoting Hamlet, and the other was laughing at my singing. Or when you told me that you were engaged. Or those times when I was little, and we all went backpacking to the coast and slept on those hammocks we made out of old fishing nets. When I kissed my little cousins goodnight, when I adopted my dog, when we played hide and seek and I was small enough to fit under your sink and you never found me, when I held the baby's tiny hands as she started taking those tiny shaking steps, when I danced up on that stage in the bright spotlight, when you wrote me that letter saying how much you loved me.

Most of us amount to nothing, but it's those small things that make it okay. It's those small things that keep us going and keep our light shining through the dark. Darkness will consume without consideration, but it is the perseverance of the people to push back towards light. The sky might break and fall on our heads, but we could stitch it up and put it back in it's place. There are so many faults, in the world and in our hearts, but we have this resilient power to heal. In all the moments when I thought I was surely going to die, I survived. My existence amazes me sometimes. Really, how am I still here? How did I get through all of that? The thing is, pushing through that darkness makes the light even brighter. All that suffering I endured made me strong. Those scars on my body have only strengthened my soul. I have suffered, and maybe I'll suffer some more, but as it breaks me it also makes me strong.

So I guess my point is, I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm going to do with my life, but I know I want to make a difference. I know I will always hold onto those little moments that I love so dearly, and I will continue to push towards bigger things.

Save the world, but don't be afraid to take a kitty out of the tree while you're at it. Hug your sisters and brothers, give and let yourself receive love, walk barefoot sometimes, dance when there is nothing else left in your soul. So maybe I won't save the world, but I'm not going to sit in front of the tv and eat Mickey D's until the day I die. Maybe I will end up in Africa. Maybe I will go to medical school. Maybe I'll have children and teach them what it really means to live. Maybe I'll save another life, like I once saved yours. Maybe I'll look up to the stars and name each one, just as I always have.

Or maybe I will save the world.

"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."
--William E. Henley

The Blind Project

2010-05-30T12:25:00.001-07:00

A few years ago, there was a horrifying article in the Utne Reader about the slavery that is currently happening in the world.

"Today there are more slaves than at any time in human history." -E. Benjamin Skinner

I put the article on my blog in hopes that more people would read it (you can find it HERE).

Today, I am doing the same, except in video format. I just found out about The Blind Project -- a group of people who hope to bring awareness to the human trafficking and sex slavery going on in South East Asia.

Watch the video. Pass it on. Awareness is the first step towards change.

my writing tendencies

2010-05-28T13:27:00.000-07:00

This is like, the week of the unfinished posts. I've almost finished so many, but instead of finishing, I try to start all over with a different post, and the cycle continues. Now I just have a ridiculous amount of unfinished posts and no real inspiration to finish any of them. Who knows if this one will ever be finished? Hah! It'll be a miracle.

So, um, I don't really know where I'm going with this, which seems to be a popular theme in my writing. Do I ever really know where I'm going with anything? Ummmmm, no. But I end up somewhere, somehow. Or maybe I just ramble until no words are left in my head.

And then click publish.

Or maybe I'll try to complete it by throwing in a nice photo.

current inspiration

2010-05-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

I've been around a long time

In search of home and heart

On cartoons and in aeroplanes

In paper chains and stars

-Sol Seppy, "injoy"

Sol Seppy and her way with words is what leads me through life right now. Something about her music and what she has to say just makes perfect sense to me, to the depth of my very being. My mom tells me it's too slow for her liking, but something about the slowness is calming. It's beautiful. Everyone needs slow every now and then. If you lack patience, you'll end up missing a lot of things in life.

But it's not all about the slow. It's about her words, her way of turning such concepts into music.

When asked to describe her music (you can view interview HERE) Sophie, the person behind Sol Seppy, said:

"it's a mixture of earth and space, and dirt and glitter."

I like that description a lot.

into the light

into the unknown

like thousands of lanterns

glowing with grace

in glorious silence

descending through space

to a friend

a sister in need

who is not alone

--Sol Seppy, "Enter One"

Free image from http://www.freeimages.co.uk/

a post in which i never really get to the point

2010-05-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

Turns out that hard work pays off. Huh. Who knew?

At the university, my writing has been noticed a lot lately. I have no idea where this all came from, but it might have something to do with the fact that I've been writing like a nutcase lately. Write, and improve, I guess that's the natural cycle. But success is so strange, and it's all dumping down on my head at once. This is a good thing, definitely a good thing! But strange. And a bit overwhelming. AND UNEXPECTED. Did I mention that yet? Because that's a big one.

But then again, I guess life itself is unexpected. You can't ever really expect anything, because it will no doubt change or differ in ways you didn't think possible.

But anyway- my writing. Being noticed. Etc.

It was Wednesday. Average Wednesday.

And then--

My professor randomly stood in front of the class and gave a speech about a piece I had written, and he ended up giving me an award for it. I had no idea of this even as a possibility, until he announced my name and the rest of the class start applauding.

It was kind of surreal.

That's just one thing. One strange event. There are more, which kind of baffles my mind because they aren't everyday things.

But it's this event I just mentioned seems the most odd to me, because I still can't really believe that out of all those people in my class (most of which are at least three years older then me and have been taught how to write for the many years they spent in school), the professor liked my piece best.

Maybe those two disadvantages (age and "lack" of education) are actually advantages.

Or maybe I'm just grasping for an explanation.

Who knows. I'm not sure if I have a point here, or if I'm just rambling (or shamelessly bragging?) but I guess that's what blogs are for.

guest post!

2010-05-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

I recently wrote a guest post for Radio Free School, and today it was published!

You can go check it out HERE!

--Stella

something that made me smile today

2010-05-11T15:58:00.000-07:00

The six year old that I was babysitting was talking about when she went to the zoo, saying,

"...and then we went down the penguin aisle!"

Yes. The penguin aisle.

little moments

2010-05-09T18:21:00.001-07:00

Okay, as if you couldn't tell by my significant lack of posts, this week has been pretty crazy. Lots of assignments, plus an impromptu vacation and a good friend's crazy birthday party.

OH AND IT'S MOTHERS DAY.

I'm feeling kind of wiped out right now.

But.....

I stood on our (covered!) porch during an intense rainstorm. The plants all cowered under the raindrops that were madly bombing them, and it seemed as if the ground was almost shaking from such intake of fury. It started thunder storming, huge bolts of lightening and loud low rumbles. Our gutter overflowed and I laughed.

It's those little moments that somehow keep me sane during the overwhelming bigger moments.

ioeahbkvdm;copajdkzlkmac;shebgf

2010-04-29T15:15:00.001-07:00

This is pretty much how I'm feeling right now.

inspiration

2010-04-27T16:13:00.000-07:00

Gorgeous clips and music. It just makes me feel so at peace.

EDIT: Rawr! Blogger cut off half of the video screen! I have no idea how to fix this, but if you want to see the video in it's entire screen glory, double click and it will take you to the youtube page. If any technical savvy people want to give me some pointers on how to fix this, please, feel free.

today

2010-04-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

My house smells like fresh strawberries. It's wonderfully damp and rainy outside, with a touch of humidity that makes me think it's going to thunderstorm. I'm inside onlooking the gray cloud that's about to envelop our neighborhood and listening to my favorite playlist. Oh, and studying. Working on a paper that looks at the relationship between music in dance through analyzing two completely different pieces. It's hard. I kind of love it. For lunch, I had fresh mango slices and cheese with crackers. And one square of chocolate. I guess it was more of a snack then lunch, but I'm not very hungry today. I just called me sister*. She wasn't home. Waiting for her to call me back. Now it's raining.

I just slugged (I mean in a slow sense, like a slug) my way through a giant stack of reading that I decided to finish before writing my intense analysis. There was some awesome material there, and I'm glad I read it all before attempting to write this behemoth.

Talking about audience reactions to dance, Siobhan Davies says,

"I find that the immediate response from some people is to ask what's going on, what does it mean, where are the guidelines to tell me what's happened? You don't say that about your life. Or at least as you get older you stop saying that. I can only show the dance; if I explain it that may take something away."

I found that little gem in my readings (A dialogue between collaborators -- composer Kevin Volcans interviews Siobhan Davies) and I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it! It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with my analytical paper, but I don't mind. It's amazing all on it's own and I'm glad I found it. Siobhan Davies seems pretty fantastic and I'm kind of ashamed and surprised that I didn't know of her earlier.

Now the sun is trying to shine through the clouds. I should get back to my research instead of rambling on at you guys. Thank you, faithful readers, who listen to my rambles! It helps to keep me sane.

*not a biologically related sibling, but undeniably my sister.

annnnnnd....I'm back! maybe.

2010-04-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

My dad told me to say that I was kidnapped by aliens for the past three months, and that's why I haven't written anything.

Haha! (he exaggerates just a bit)

But I'm not sure what to say, really.... Does anyone still read this thing? Life has been crazy crazy crazy lately. I guess it's always been crazy, but recently, it has seemed especially crazy. Way to overuse the word crazy Stella! But really, crazy.

There's the whole university thing- I'm taking some really amazing classes this term (intro to fiction writing! ballet! and more!) and I have some of the coolest professors ever (every single one of them absolutely rocks) which is a great combination (awesome content + awesome professors = happy Stella).

And then there's dance.
And babysitting.
AND MY FREAKING WISDOM TEETH.
And all that other stuff that ends up consuming my time and leaving me incredibly exhausted but also happy! (besides the wisdom teeth- they make me very unhappy)

The other day, I was feeding a thirteen month old baby, and I completely fell in love with this child. Ohmygosh. She would open her mouth like a little baby bird, and I would spoon in the applesauce, and then it would somehow leak out from the edges of her lips, but it was so adorable.

ANYWAY, I'm not sure if this post means I'm back in the blogging world or dropping in to say hello (or just flapping my gums about the most adorable baby in the world and overusing the word crazy).

Oh, but also, I'm trying to make my way to the Life Is Good Unschooling Conference but who knows if that's actually going to work out (May is already looking pretty crazy). Is anyone going? Has anyone been before? How was it?

And heck yes, I'm going to university as a part time student, but I totally would go to an unschooling conference too. Walking, talking, contradiction? But somehow I find ways to embrace both...

end of the line

2010-03-06T21:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream that we were both dying.

We were in the hospital, standing in a long, long line. I believe the end of that line was where you had surgery, but that doesn't really make sense. Both of us were dreading reaching the end, and were stalling. Yet, we both knew that we had to get there eventually, and a large part of the dream was about us coming to terms with that. It would have made sense that the end of that line was death- we were both terminal, and we both knew it.

It was eerie. I did not like it. I was freakishly calm during and after the dream.

But actually, this dream makes sense in terms of whats been happening.

No, I'm not dying, but-

Yesterday, the day when I fell asleep and had that dream, was the day that I found out about Polycystic Kidney Disease.

She has it. My friend, the one I dreamt about.

Her dad has it too-- he's already had three kidney transplants, and his body has rejected all of them. Now he's on dialysis while waiting for the fourth.

It kills me that she has to go through that too. She will need a transplant one day, probably in her late twenties, when the cysts become much too big to live with.

She's only sixteen.
She can never have alcohol.
She can never have children.

My buddy, my friend, we met around age ten, ran around the woods together in a constant fairytale world. We were so young, so naive to the stupid medical problems in the world. I never would have imagined that I would one day be diagnosed with Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome, or that she would learn of the cysts that are going to shut down her kidneys. My problems seem so mundane compared to hers- I'm fine most of the time. But her kidneys will never be fine.

forty one people.

2010-02-16T22:13:00.000-08:00

My mom returned from Haiti on Valentines Day, February 14th.

Wow. That is all I can say. Wow, wow, wow. Talk about a life changing experience.

The best reaction so far to this entire thing was from a little boy in my neighborhood. My mom was talking to his mom about the entire trip, and she mentioned the forty one pairs of flip-flops.

"You mean forty one people got shoes because of you?" he asked, amazed.

That's what really hit me. Forty one people without shoes now have them. Because of us.

Dollarstore flip-flops can make all the difference to forty one people who didn't have shoes.

When I first heard of the earthquake, I was deeply saddened, but there wasn't much I could do. I mean, what is there do to? We can send money to charities that are helping, but besides that, there is not much to do but move on.

But now, everything is different. Now my own mom has been there, and seen it with her own eyes. I've seen the photos, the crumbled houses and hurting people. A doctor on her team sent short updates through text message on his satellite phone, and I was constantly aware of what has happening there. There's not enough water, not enough supplies, not enough anything. So much poverty, so many people in desperate need, it's just overwhelming- and I wasn't even there! My mom is back now, but we can't stop thinking about Haiti. It's constantly in our hearts and on our minds, and it's contagious. Even my little four year old cousin in England knows about Haiti, what happened there, and that my mom went there to help people. Of course it's on a much smaller scale, but his four year old mind understands. He gets it! Friends, neighbors, everyone is much more aware now. Once you are personally connected, it is impossible to move on.

I'll try to post some photos soon. They are unbelievable.

And yes, I know, I've been totally slacking on the blog. University is kind of crazy with these things called midterms.

My Mom is in Haiti

2010-02-06T11:11:00.001-08:00

It's been a week since I last posted, and in this week, A LOT has happened. There's been the regular insanity of juggling university, babysitting, dance, homework, life in general, etc etc etc, but we also got a whole 'nother bucket of insanity dumped on our heads.

Yesterday, my mom left for Haiti.

You see, my mom is a nurse. A really well trained nurse. She's had experience in intensive care, operating rooms, and pediatrics (ICU, as well as regular pediatrics) and babies (NICU). She has been in third-world countries before, and can speak fluent French. The language in Haiti, Creole, is like relaxed French dialect (or so I've been told? Correct me if I'm wrong).

It was Tuesday that a medical team leaving for Haiti asked her to go with them. Yes, Tuesday. Three days before they were set to leave. She was hesitant at first for a multitude of reasons (if someone asked you to go to Haiti in three days, you'd probably hesitate too!). Also, my birthday happens to be in just a few days. I'm turning seventeen! And my mom didn't really want to miss that. But honestly, Haiti needs her more then I do right now. So after I assured her many times that it was okay, and I wanted her to go even if that meant her missing my birthday, she agreed to go.

And then the real chaos began.

How the heck are you supposed to prepare to go to Haiti in three days!? Along with having to get various vaccinations, the doctors and nurses each had to bring two giant bags full of medical supplies. That was crazy. My mom went to the hospital to scrounge supplies and just threw in as much as she could into those poor bags. Then she came home and to take everything out and repack it in an intelligent fashion (not just throwing it in). It was one of the strangest things I have ever seen- our entire living room, swamped with various medical supplies. As well as gathering supplies, the team leader told everyone to take ten days worth of protein bars, because it wasn't guaranteed that they were going to have food there. Oh, and everyone also had to take pills that would hopefully prevent them from getting Malaria, as well as bug spray to prevent Malaria-infected mosquito's from biting them.

Yeah, that's just part of the list. I know I'm forgetting other things. Let's just say those were some of the craziest days I have ever experienced.

Oh, and like the good blogger I am (hah!) I actually got some photos of the madness itself!

The anti-Malaria pills (their official name has escaped me). I like the color!

41 pairs of flip-flops. I believe this was my dads idea. One of the previous teams that had returned from Haiti said there was a dire need for shoes, so my dad went out on a mission for flip-flops (it's actually very hard to find flip-flops in February).

Love these shoes. The moment I saw them, I could perfectly picture a little boy wearing them. (Please ignore my ugly medic-alert bracelet).

Yes, this is a disposable scalpel. I didn't even know there was such thing as disposable scalpels! I found it in the huge pile of medical supplies.

Pretty awesome, I must say.

One of the piles, in the process of being sorted.

Our living room, after being taken over by medical supplies.

My mom alone was bring 50 IV starts. Remember, every doctor and nurse had to bring just as much as my mom. A crazy amount of medical supplies, but still, they'll probably run out.

Everything stuffed into the two big (hippopotamus sized) bags. That's medical supplies, protein bars, and forty one pairs of flip-flops. Wow.

slacker

2010-01-30T11:07:00.000-08:00

I know.

I know.

I know.

I'm a blog slacker.

But I've been busy. Insanely busy. The whole university thing, as well as babysitting and late night frenzies to complete assignments on time. When I have free time on my hands to blog, I'd rather be doing something else, something more needed, say sleeping.

Aaaah, just writing the word "sleeping" makes me yawn!

our mad scrabble skills

2010-01-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

My dad won with a score of 267, but I was right behind him with 247 :)

inde

2010-01-20T22:57:00.001-08:00

Today the entire dance department had a guest lecture, and it was unbelievable. This man (I'm not giving his name, because he's rather famous) talked about life in Malawi, about how in the small villages, there are dances for every occasion. Art is not something you to the theater on Fridays for, no, art is anytime, anyplace. His village literally has a dance for any situation you can imagine, no matter how mundane or extreme it may seem. Even though it was a "lecture" he had us up, singing, chanting African words and dancing to drums.

One dance that he taught us has really stuck in my head. It's the simple Yes Dance. There is only one word to it, inde, which simply means yes. This dance is about saying yes to yourself, yes to the world, the universe, anything that has happened, everything that is about to happen.

Inde, inde, inde.

Over and over, we chanted those words and danced. We were all together, moving as one, almost the entire dance department. Singing inde, so many times, until I was breathless from singing and dancing. But I couldn't stop.

It was one of the most powerful, refreshing things I have ever experienced in my entire life. It took the hard, sketchy parts of my life, and patched them together.

This is why I love university. Amazing experiences keep falling on my head. I'm making friends and learning so much about the things I love. I feel so lucky, so blessed, to be here, to be given the choice to learn.

Sometimes I am exhausted.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed.

But I love it here.

Vegan Cupcake Recipe!

2010-01-18T15:52:00.000-08:00

EDIT!
I got the time wrong. OOPS. Hopefully no one has accidentally scorched their cupcakes because of me.... You're supposed to bake them for 15-20 minutes, not 25-30.

Mindy asked for the cupcake recipe, so I figured I might as well make a post out of it! :)

This is the page in our cookbook. See the cocoa stains? You can click to enlarge. This recipe is from the Moosewood Restaurant Book of Desserts, and it has been well used in our house (obviously)!

You will need:

1 1/2 cups of unbleached white flour

1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1 cup cold water

2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

2 tablespoons cider vinegar

First, pre-heat the oven to 375. Then stir together the flour, cocoa, baking soda, salt, and sugar. Afterwards, you're supposed to combine the wet ingredients in a separate bowl (adding the vinegar last, remember now) but I always just dump 'em into the same bowl as the dry stuff. Just remember to add the vinegar last!! Also, I should probably mention that it is not in your best interests to over-stir it. Keep the stirring to a minimum when using vinegar. Bake for 25-30 minutes, although that really depends on the oven. This recipe makes 12 BIG cupcakes!

lazzzzzzy saturday. also known as crazzzzzzzy saturday.

2010-01-16T20:48:00.000-08:00

EDIT EDIT EDIT
My dad read this and then informed me that there is the possibility that not everyone would understand the vinegar dilemma. So here is the explanation for all you cake-mix bakers. The baking soda and vinegar counteract, causing the cakes to rise. But the thing is, you need to add the vinegar last and resist from over-stirring it, otherwise it won't work in the oven, and you'll get weird, flat, cupcakes.

Today was extremely low key. Actually, I am not a huge fan of being low key (hey, I like excitement!) but it was much needed. I've had a crazy cold for a week now, and it seems to be getting worse (blechhh) so the biggest excitements of my day were baking cupcakes and playing scrabble. Totally exciting, right? Hah. But really, I needed this. And the cupcake project turned out to be funnier then expected! I accidentally stirred the vinegar in first when everyone knows that it needs to go in last. I KNOW THAT. But I had a totally brain-loss moment where I thought I was pouring oil, and I looked down and saw vinegar. Um, oops? Yeah Stella, major oops. And now I'm talking to myself.

Oh wow this post is going wonderfully so far!

So in conclusion to the cupcake story, my dad started shrieking about how this would totally ruin the entire batch of cupcakes unless we acted fast and started shoving the paper thingies into the cupcake pans while I dumped in all the other fluids. We were on a crazed rampage, and he was yelling "POUR, POUR, POUR!" as I poured the mixture into the pans.

Yes, we are crazy. My entire household is crazy. But you should know that by now.

Just so you aren't left in some horrible state of suspense, I'll have you know that the cupcakes were in fact, not ruined. They were delicious, and are now gone since whenever something delicious enters this house we seem to turn into a pack of hungry wolverines. And then wolverines with insane sugar rushes.

And no, I'm not going to elaborate on that. Use your imagination, and then thank me for not putting those thoughts into words.

As for the scrabble game, I totally dominated it with the word "hipster" which, by the way, is most definitely a word. It means, "one who is hip".

NO QUESTIONS ALLOWED. IT IS A WORD.

And in closing, a pressing question at issue.

Why in the world would a drug company ever decide to make their pills in the shape of triangles?!

Being asked to swallow a triangle is very, very wrong.

Delurker Day!

2010-01-14T10:18:00.000-08:00

All you stalkers who always read, but never comment, today is the day to come clean! Give a little love- comment! It's National Delurking Day! Everybody loves comments! Even if you've never said a peep, I'd love it if you would introduce yourself and tell me what you think of my blog :)

It's quick, easy, takes less then a minute and would make me really happy!!

my thoughts so far (on university)

2010-01-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

So this whole university thing? IT HAS BEEN INSANE. Imagine never going to school for your entire life (actually, I realize that this is a reality for most of you) and then one day, waking up and going to university. The classes, the teachers, the assignments- all of it is overwhelming.

But you know what? I am loving it. Since I am a part time student, I get the awesome liberty of hand-picking all of my classes, never being forced to take anything I don't want to take (*cough*math*cough*).

Also, on that subject, never make jokes about math until you know for sure that you aren't talking to a math major. Oops.

Really though, I'm liking this a whole lot more then I was expecting. When I first decided to give university a try, I wasn't very sure about how I would like it. It seemed to be 50-50 that I would either love it or hate it. But I picked out classes that I thought I would enjoy, went with an open mind, and here I am, loving it.

The teachers are a big part of my happiness. There is one, my favorite, who never went to high school because he was "too busy". He's a scientist, a musician, a nationally ranked tennis champion, and he has nine different computers that talk to each other. He also thinks that grades are stupid, and only grades us when it is absolutely necessary.

My ballet teacher is hilarious, and talks about food a lot. The entire reason she was a dance major was so she could eat anything she wanted (the logic behind that being: since you are dancing for eight hours a day, you burn off everything, which is true). Ballet preparations are now being compared to food preparations, which humors me to no end.

I think I really lucked out on the teachers actually, because if every teacher was like this, I have no idea why someone wouldn't want to attend school. I enjoy the classes, every minute of them. The assignments are tedious at times, but I can see myself improving as a result of them which makes it worth it to me.

My only real frustration is that the writing class I am taking is way too easy. WAY too easy. You can impress the professor just by stating the obvious. We have reading assignments that annoy me no end because I already grasp the concepts we're studying. I would rather not be in it, but it is a pre-requisite for everything else I want to take, so I'm slogging through it. The sweet reward of taking poetry and prose next term makes me continue.

So needless to say, I've been busy. Really busy. I'm going to try my best not to slack on blogging since this is a new and cool experience I want to document, but if I have three assignments due by tomorrow, blogging will be the last thing on my mind.

Next time, I think I'm going to write about my age. The whole sixteen year old thing. BIG TOPIC. Lots of amusing reactions so far, heheheh.....

unschooling meets university

2010-01-03T11:28:00.000-08:00

Now that I'm an official university student (or at least, a part time university student), what happens to my status as an unschooler? Can I still be labeled as an unschooler if I'm going to school?

I think so.

For me, unschooling is not just an education, nope, it is way more then that, resembling more of a lifestyle then a system of education. I don't see how unschooling can just end when you are past being school aged. How is that possible? All of a sudden you would say, oh, I'm past being the age where I should be in school so I'll just stop learning now, and then live the rest of your life in some kind of trance, unable to learn?! That would be so boring.

Unschooling is student-led learning. You can get math workbooks and learn math and still be considered an unschooler, as long as it is really the students wish to learn math. Therefore, wouldn't it be the same with university? I want to take classes and learn about human physiology and creative writing, so shouldn't I still be considered an unschooler even though I am a student in a school? I think so. This is what I want to do, this is what I want to learn. Being a part time student, I am not forced to take classes that I do not wish to take, (such as math). What I'm doing is simply taking the resources that university has to offer. I'm interested in these classes, so why not take them?

In summary,
Yes! I am sixteen years old.
Yes! I have my GED.
Yes! I am now a part time student at university.
And YES! I am still an unschooler! Forever and always!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!!!!

I have a crazy need to just post something, so I can see the little date saying 2010 at the bottom. Hehe. And also, I just realized that I forgot something in my years review.

Darn it, darn it, darn it! I forgot to the parts about getting my GED, starting my novel and NaNoWriMo!

AUUUUGHHHHHH.

*sigh*

I knew I forgot something.

But anyway, Happy New Year! 2010, whoo!

2009: a review

2009-12-31T13:59:00.000-08:00

Good and bad, this year was dramatic. I'd say both the best and worst year of my life, all smushed together. Yes, it was strange. I never expected any of what happened, and it's weird to think that this time just one year ago, none of this had happened. Because of the events this year, I am a different person.

Here's my blow by blow, month by month review of what happened this year.

January: A new year! I was taking modern, jazz, hip-hop, ballroom, tango, swing, and of course tap. I was in a tap dancing company, and performing a lot. Life was good. Out of nowhere, my back started hurting. I thought I had done something funky in dance, and didn't think much of it.

February: I turned 16, and danced in a show on my birthday. The entire audience sang happy birthday to me at the end. My back was still hurting, and two days after my birthday, my muscles start seizing up and cramping. It started in my legs but then moved onto any given muscle at any given time. I went to the doctor, and he referred me to a sports medicine doc. The sports medicine doctor took an x-ray of my spine and then put me in physical therapy. I had to stop dancing.

March: Physical therapy was not going well. I continued to worsen to the point where I could not do the exercises because of the pain. One day my feet and toes suddenly swelled excessively and turned bright red. The physical therapist failed to find a pulse in my feet and FREAKED OUT. We went back to the sports medicine doctor who then thought I had either Lupus or Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. He referred us to a Pediatric Rheumatologist in a different city. While waiting for the appointment, I got MRIs done of my entire spine and brain, because now another doctor suspected a brain tumor. Also an ultrasound, because some other doctor suspected Lymphoma. By this time, I was not doing much of anything because of the pain.

April: A lot happened this month. We finally got to the appointment with the Pediatric Rheumatologist, and he immediately ruled out Lupus or JRA. Instead, he suspected that I had Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome. He ordered a "live" cine MRI that shows the movement in your spine while your heart beats (it's kind of hard to explain, but the results were that my spine was not moving at all, when it should be moving in a circular movement. This was a huge pointer towards Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome). We also saw a neurologist, who flat-out told me that I do not have Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome and instead suggested Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. (The neurologist was an idiot). We also saw a fizziatrist (no idea how to spell that, but it's a kind of doctor who studies the musculoskeletal system as well as some neurology and rehab I think. Something like that.) who also doubted Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome, suggesting apophysitis. He ran a test called an EMG which involves needles being stuck deep into your muscles in your ankles, legs, butt, shoulders and neck, and then a series of electric shocks to see how your nerves react. We went back to the Pediatric Rheumatologist, who still thought I had Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome, and had found small fatty tumors called Lipomas in my Filum Terminale. We trusted the Pediatric Rheumatologists judgment more then anyone else (he had more proof to his theories), and we were referred to a Pediatric Neurosurgeon. When we met her, she didn't really know what to think and asked all sorts of questions going back to history of my moms pregnancy and how I was born, when I learnt how to walk, when I was potty-trained. She was not sure of the diagnosis of Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome, but she has no other ideas. Both the Pediatric Neurosurgeon and the Pediatric Rheumatologist agreed that the only thing we could do right then was to try the surgery for Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome, even though they did not know if it will work or not. If it failed, they wanted me admitted to the hospital until someone could figure out what was wrong with me. Surgery was scheduled for May 13th. I was in so much pain that I could barely walk down the stairs, and could not even make it down my own driveway. My entire spine was being pulled down so hard that it started to bow out and develop Scoliosis, making my hips and shoulders lopsided.

May: I was nervous about the surgery (it was my first), but accepting that it needed to be done. It was our last hope. On May 13th, the surgery was performed, and it was a complete success. The neurosurgeon said that as soon as they cut me open, everyone could clearly see that I had Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome. With one *snip* it was fixed. My spine was free again. It was incredible, I remember so many doctors were in my hospital room with these huge smiles, but none of theirs were bigger then mine. I had to spend 24 hours flat on my back in the hospital, and then I was released the next day. I dropped all pain meds only two days after the surgery. It was amazing how much better I already felt. The pain of the incision was unfamiliar, but all the tension was already gone in my legs.

But, exactly five days after the surgery, I started gasping for air to the point where I needed to go to the hospital. My mom was scared that I was going to pass out, and that she would have to call an ambulance. At the hospital, nobody knew what was wrong with me, and they put me in a room with paddles. Some ER doc thought I have an allergy to the antibiotic I was on (for the fresh wound in my spinal sac).

Two days after the first attack, I had another spell where I couldn't breathe again. And then it happened again the next day, and then two times in one day after that. I was in the ER five times that week, and the last time, they started talking about admitting me. No one could figure out what was wrong with me, and everyone has a different opinion. Allergies were a big idea, and I end up getting stabbed with an Epi-Pen, the doc saying that he was saving my life. My PCP puts me on high doses of steroids that made me stay up all night hallucinating, and eat ravenously. He was hesitant to put me on steroids since I still had a incision healing in my back, but he saw no other choice. I saw an allergist, who didn't think I was allergic to anything and tested me with negative results. I then saw an Ear Nose and Throat doctor, amazingly, the same one I saw when I broke my nose in 2008. In only five minutes (after looking down my throat with some giant metal contraption), he had an exact diagnosis for me. Paradoxical Vocal Cord Dysfunction, as a result of being intubated for the surgery (I had a tube down my throat and a machine was breathing for me). He doubted that I would have another attack since the initial swelling has gone down, and we left his office smiling.

ALSO, in May, only two weeks after my surgery with stitches still holding my spinal sac together (and high on steroids), I went back to the dance studio and filmed an audition DVD for a dance intensive in New York. Everyone seemed to think I was insane, including my doctors, but I had been dreaming of this intensive forever and I wasn't going to miss my chance to be accepted. I was still in pain, still had funky breathing issues, and was dancing no where near my best, but I managed to get the audition sent in time.

June: I GOT IN!!!!!! I was chosen to be one of the sixty participants for the dance intensive in New York! Also, I went back to dance classes and performed in the final end of year show. I was diagnosed with Anemia, and my entire face was so pale that my lips actually turned white at one point. But I pushed on, I continued to dance. Despite what the Ear Nose and Throat doctor thought, I continued having trouble with Paradoxical Vocal Cord Dysfunction and ended up in the ER a few more times. The pain in my back slowly started to fade, and we saw the Neurosurgeon for a follow up. I remember that she hugged me and was so amazed by how far I had already came. After my life had been put on hold for so long, I was finally starting to live again!

July: I met Savion Glover, watched his show, talked to him, and then participated in a tap jam while he watched. I continued to struggle with Paradoxical Vocal Cord Dysfunction, and the rising heat temperature only made it harder to breathe. I visited family and went to New York to dance! The intensive was amazing! I met tap masters, took classes from them, and connected with people my own age who were just as inspired about tap dancing as me. However, three times during the intensive, I ended up having to go to the ER, even being transported by an ambulance once. Even though I ended up missing classes because of my hospital visits (therefore, missing important choreography) I still danced in the final show!

August: I went on an impromptu vacation to visit some old friends, danced in a few shows, and just generally recovered from July. My breathing was still funky, and the ENT doc referred us to a speech pathologist to learn breathing exercises that had the possibility to break the spells of vocal cord dysfunction. The "breathing therapy" (as I called it) turned out to be extremely helpful, and I learnt a variety of techniques that helped control my breathing. I think I was in the ER one time in August, which was an improvement from the months before.

September: Regular dance classes started again. I went on a trip with my friend Lucy (who is a university student) to a weekend tap workshop (by ourselves! Bonus of having adult friends). At the workshop I went into stridor, but with the help of my breathing exercises I was able to pull myself out of it. The breathing exercises were helping to prevent ER visits, but the terrible feeling of constantly being strangled was still present. My throat was always dry, and there was pain, like someone was shoving a chunk of wood into my throat (bad mental image, but that's the best way I know to describe this kind of pain). The speech pathologist started thinking that maybe acid reflux was possibly provoking my vocal cords to flip. So I had a scope done, where the put a small tube up my nose and down my throat (it was the size of a pencil. And I was awake. I would rather not experience this again), and what do you know, they discovered that I had severe reflux that was literally burning the tissues in my throat. They showed us the pictures of the scorch marks. The ENT started me on double the adult dose of Omeprazole, which is a drug intended to completely stop your stomach from producing acid.

October: Still dancing, still struggling with my breathing. I ended up in the ER again this month. My mom and I left for Europe (England and France) and we crossed our fingers, toes, arms, anything that could be crossed in hope that I would not have trouble breathing in a country that didn't speak English. That was my biggest fear, but I didn't let it hold me back. I went to France, walked around the streets of Paris, and despite the crazy amounts of smoke and perfume, I was okay. My throat felt like death, but it was worth it. Paris was AMAZING!

November: I returned from Europe around the middle of November, ended up switching dance schools (to a studio out of state) and started taking private lessons from a tap master. I've probably said this before, but I'll say it again. Switching dance schools is downright insane. Stress stress stress stress. It's like rearranging your entire life. But in this case, it has been entirely worth it.

December: Dance classes end for winter break, giving me a nice little break for the holidays. I saw a gastroenterologist who, instead of answers, gave us just more things to think about. Kind of randomly, I became a part time student at a university, which doesn't seem like a decision that is usually made on a whim, but heck, why not? Along with regular holiday activities, I was rushing around getting student ID and textbooks, as well as preparing to go to school for the first time ever.

And now, here we are, at the end of 2009. After all the things that happened this year, I have no idea what the expect for 2010, but I'm really hoping that my health issues can just calm down and then fade away, and that my dancing will continue to progress. I'm not really one for resolutions, but right now, mine is to dance, eat, drink, live, and be merry. I know that doesn't really count as a resolution since I'm not changing anything (it's more like my way of life described in seven words) but that's as close as I'm getting :)

Happy New Year!

christmas in a nutshell

2009-12-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over. Kind of crazy, but it already seems like a long time ago.....

Our tree. Isn't she beautiful? I named her Esme, which my mom disagreed with because it was too Twilight, so she re-named it Felicity. My brother didn't like Esme or Felicity and wanted to name it Nixon, but nobody went for that. I still like Esme the best.

On Christmas morning we had cinnamon rolls and hot cocoa for breakfast (suuuuuuugar) and then once my brother could finally drag himself out of bed (I swear, he's turning nocturnal) we opened the presents!

I got my brother a silly, but science-y gift (a Drinking Bird) which made him laugh really hard because he totally wasn't expecting that. For my parents, I simply gave them a bunch of photos I have taken over the year since they are extreme slackers when it comes to taking photos and then putting the photos in albums. I even got a little plushie hedgehog for my dog, and she seems to be enjoying it.

As for what I got, my favorite was probably the necklace my parents gave me. It has two lines engraved on it from my favorite poem, Invictus- "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul". Unfortunately, I don't have any photos of it yet, but I really should post a photo of it because it's beautiful!

I also got a new camera, YAY!!!!! My old crappy one has been on the brink of death for a long time, and not happily producing photos. I am super happy with the new one, and amazed by how it sees light! It's a Canon Powershot E1, for anyone interested.

Annnnnd, a puffer vest. I have been desperately wishing for a puffer vest for so long, it's kind of ridiculous, but there is something so whimsical about them and their puffiness!

After opening presents, the rest of the day was spent talking to relatives on the phone, and just generally being lazy together. There was lots food (pesto pasta, cranberry sauce, cake) and then being even lazier after eating said food.

And there you have it. Christmas in a nutshell!

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-24T20:20:00.000-08:00

There is no way in heck that I'm gonna write a post tomorrow on Christmas day, but I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Or Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwanzaa! Whatever you celebrate, I hope it is going to be/was wonderful!

Today is Christmas Eve. There are no members of our extended family that lives anywhere near us, which is kind of sad, because we never end up spending Christmas with them. But it's okay, I guess we're used to it. Instead of anxiously sitting at home awaiting the arrival of Christmas day itself, we went to the beach today. It was kind of a last minute decision, already one-o-clock in the afternoon and suddenly we're saying "lets go to the beach!" but it was awesome none the less.

BEAUTIFUL..... This was before the sunset. Just scroll down and it gets even prettier.

My interesting sand art. The rocks are supposed to represent planets, and the swirls are just...karma? I don't know, this is just the stuff that ends up coming out of my head.

Sunset. Told you it was amazing! This photo is straight out of my (crappy) camera, not edited at all.

It was nice to take a break and enjoy nature before the crazed fest of presents and eating. I know not everyone is lucky enough to live close to the beach, but I highly recommend a Christmas Eve beach trip to anyone it is possible for.

Happy Holidays!

on the brink of insanity

2009-12-22T09:28:00.000-08:00

So. I have not been writing much at all lately, and for once I actually have some good excuses besides my laziness. Hah! No really, a lot has been going on.

1. My health, which seems to be forever ongoing and obnoxious. We aren't really getting anywhere with beating Paradoxical Vocal Cord Dysfunction, since they've discovered that I have severe acid reflux that is literally burning the tissues in my throat, making them spasm, which triggers the PVCD. Now we're trying to figure out what's going on with my stomach, and if the meds that are supposed to stop my stomach from producing acid altogether are actually working. I'm already on double the adult dose, and the docs are talking about putting me on FOUR TIMES the adult dose, which doesn't really sound like a good idea to me because of the risks of it's own. Also, I can't eat anything delicious anymore, because all delicious things seem to trigger acid. Bleh.

2. I know I've mentioned this very briefly, but I've just switched dance schools. Now the process of switching dance schools is something so stressful and possibly life changing that NOBODY who is not a dancer cannot even begin to comprehend it. To make matter a little worse, and a lot more interesting, we have failed to find a dance school that can properly challenge me and meet my needs of intense tap dancing. To the extent of, there is nowhere in the state I live in that meets my needs. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I don't exactly live in the most tap-dancer-friendly place. SO, although pretty much everyone thinks both me and my parents are insane, I am currently traveling out of state every week to attend dance classes. Yes, you read that right.

BUT, remember number 1? My health? The stupid but honest truth is that I could end up in the hospital at any given time. Because of this, I can't really travel out of state by myself every week. So my mom has been taking me, but you know, she has a life of her own so that makes the whole thing even more complicated.

3. Annnnd, it just gets even more insane. I am now officially a part time student at a University, taking a bunch of random classes like creative writing and ballet. EIGHT CREDITS. Exactly half of what a "normal" student would take. This is a completely new thing for me and I'm slightly scared out of my mind but also very very excited. I've never been to school before, and now I'm suddenly a student in university? I guess I did go to a community college when I was thirteen and fourteen for Japanese and art lessons, but this seems much different from that. I'm going to write a nice long post about unschooling and university soon, but I should probably sort this all out in my brain before trying. And I will most definitely try to write about the experience itself after the classes start (January 4th I believe)! Right now I'm in the shocked stages of, "I need three different textbooks for one class?! Whaaaaat?!?!" which is what my dad calls welcome to the world of overpriced university.

Oh yeah, and there's Christmas too.... I'm still running around crazily trying to finish my last minute gift shopping while at the same time, buying overpriced textbooks and getting my student ID.

If you hear a scream of insanity, it's probably me, just the sixteen year old unschooled university student who still suffers from severe health problems and is going out of state to dance. Yeah.

Absurd

2009-12-18T12:38:00.000-08:00

So the other day, I was at the gastroenterologists (don't even ask why, it's a stupidly long story about my stupidly complicated body) and he went through the normal routine of taking history, asking questions, and then examining me. He was pushing down on my belly, and it hurt. He saw that it was hurting me and stopped, and then asked my mom to leave the room.

He looked me in straight in the eyes and asked if I was being abused.

I was tempted to laugh my head off, but I saw how serious he was, so I just looked him straight in the eyes and said no. He told me that he was worried my internal organs had been damaged as a result of abuse. Nope. I have never been abused, sexually, emotionally, or physically.

Honestly, I was really surprised that he asked me that. I'm still surprised he asked me that. But now I'm finding humor in it. He thought I was abused! Silly doctor. But it's still like, whoa, no one has ever suspected that before and it's kind of weirding me out.

And my body is still as much of a mystery as ever.

Invictus

2009-12-14T10:17:00.001-08:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever Gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced not cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

-William E. Henley

sixteen going on twenty

2009-12-13T11:13:00.001-08:00

My parents just had their 20th wedding anniversary. Funny story.

We were at this cake store (a really cool cake store actually, it sells the most amazing organic vegan cakes!) buying a simple cake that just said "Happy 20th". The lady checking us out looked at it and asked me if I was turning 20.

Ummmmmm, no.

My mom had this look in her eyes like she was about to start laughing uncontrollably, but somehow she hid it until we got outside.

I look old. Well, not old, but older then I really am. I am sixteen, and I can pass for twenty? Honestly, it kind of scares me.

converse, condoms and condors, oh my!

2009-12-07T15:59:00.000-08:00

It's December 7th and I'm still wondering how the heck we're in this month already.

I'm also wondering where the heck my brain went, but that's not such a new thing, hah.

Yes, I, um, lost my brain. If you see it, please notify me. There has been only one sighting, underneath my friend's bed. Attempts to catch it were futile. This a most serious matter! Don't be laughing about it!

*ahem*

MOVING ON.

For those of you wondering about my novel...... The details are top secret, so you'll have to bear with me somehow until I finish it! But don't feel bad, because nobody knows. NOBODY. Not even those crazy people I live with (aka my family). All I can say is, it's fiction, it's not about unschooling, nor about anything I've ever experienced. And it's not a romance. Just putting that out there. It is not a romance.

Moving on yet again!

This scene happened the other day, and I thought it was hilarious. Also, I don't have anything left to write about, and when I can't write, I just quote other people, 'cause they're much funnier then my lame attempts at a real sentence.

Mom (talking to my brother): you need new shoes.

Me (butting in): he wants converse!

At this point, my mom is holding her face in her hands, screaming "whaaaaaaaaaat?!"

Me (confused): what's wrong with converse?

Mom (looking relieved): I thought you said condoms!!!!

Me: No!

My brother himself: I don't want condors anyway.

That's all for now folks. I'll try to write something less silly and more on the subject of important things later. But for now, we'll just keep giggling about converse, condoms, and condors, all of which seem to sound verrrrry similar.

quote of the day

2009-12-05T16:25:00.000-08:00

"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." -William E. Henley

Too tired to write anything else, but I absolutely love this quote and wanted to share it with you.

NaNoWriMo - last update

2009-12-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

NaNoWriMo is officially over- but my novel is not.

31,343 words and counting. I have never ever written something so long in my entire life- so 31,343 words in only four days is pretty darn amazing to me. I am definitely going to continue, my goal is to reach 50,000 words by January (which I know I will) and to start editing as soon as possible. Yay for novels, and crazy novel writers who stay up at weird hours just to write!

I'll write more detailed post later- my brain has been put in this permanent writing mode and I have lots to say!

Yes, I take photos of my food. I'm that weird.

2009-11-27T15:15:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving full of gratitude, and food beyond imagination. Mine was...interesting (and no, I'm not going to elaborate, haha) but the interesting-ness didn't hinder the good times!

Pumpkin pie and chocolate cream pie. Both were completely vegan and delicious! Actually, the entire meal was vegan and delicious!

Food. Delicious food.

This is sparkling cider, not beer!

Mashed potatoes and salad. Yum.

Cranberry sauce, baked tofu, and cranberry muffins. Yum.

Olive tomato crostini. You toast the bread, rub garlic on it immediately, put on this delicious olive/onion paste, then tomatoes, and then sprinkle basil on top. It's supposed to actually have fresh basil layered in between tomatoes, but we couldn't find any. It still turned out amazing!

Now our fridge is full of food, ohmygosh, so much food! My brother and I had pie for breakfast. Yum!

As for my maybe NaNoWriMo project- I'm now up to 9540 words! This is totally amazing to me because I have never ever written something so big before. And the words just keep coming, tumbling out of my fingers. I cannot stop writing. I swear, it's like a sickness! Every time my word count goes up, I just get more and more amazed. The fact that I'm writing all these words is blowing my mind. My chances of reaching 50,000 words before the end of November (three days) are slim, and I know that. But I am determined to finish this novel even if it takes me until the end of December!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Us vegetarians are celebrating with tofu-pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce (of course), chocolate cream pie, cranberry muffins, crostini, and much much more that has suddenly slipped my mind. My mom has to work, but we started cooking last night, and I am continuing today!

As for non-Thanksgiving related news, I am writing a novel. I started last night, and I cannot stop. It's like a sickness! My friends are trying to convince me to do NaNoWriMo even though there are only four days left, which would be insane. 50,000 words in FOUR DAYS?!?!?!? But who knows, I'm already up to 2982, and I just started. So I'm not sure how that's going to all work out, but even if I don't finish in four days, I'm determined to finish this novel! I will reach 50,000 words even if it takes me an extra month or two!

Okay, now I have to get off the computer and stop writing, or else I'll never accomplish anything else today (like the stack of things I have to cook!).

where did my brain go???? off to the land of poetry writing.

2009-11-24T11:08:00.000-08:00

Writing a real post is not an easy feat, especially when your brain is thinking in poetry. Aaaaa, I can't stop writing poetry! It's like a sickness! Thank goodness I have some poetry obsessed friends to keep me company... Our newest game is texting each poems, which is turning out to be really fun. Anyway, here is a rather choppy post, but it's the best I can do right now.

What I've been up to

Modern dance always leaves me sore, but feeling so wonderful that the status of my body is like a second thought.

I'm teaching myself how to play piano. A video may be in order soon.

I'm having private tap lessons with this incredible master tap dancer who is going to choreograph a routine especially for me!

I'm painting a mural. Or rather, a series of murals. I'll try to get my act together and take some photos.

And, of course I've been writing poetry like crazy, but you already know that :)

Funny, quotable moments that have happened around here

My little brother: "OW! My ovaries!!!"

Everyone standing within hearing distance was in hysterics over that. I think I was crying from laughing so hard! The way he said it made it even better......

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On My Sisters Keeper

Me: "That's a total chick-flick, I don't know why you'd want to watch it!"

My dad: "I like chicks!"

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That's all for now peeps, hopefully I'll get my brain in order soon!

more poetry

2009-11-22T22:24:00.000-08:00

I'm really into poetry right now...... Not sure why, but it's very appealing to me. Playing with words is like a game that can either go beautifully right or wrong. But sometimes, even wrong is beautiful. Does that make sense? Probably not....but I rarely make sense :)

Anyway, here is something I just wrote. The style is very different from the last one I posted. I don't know which one I like better- right now I'm just playing with words.

Swallow your pride, silly girl. Better run and hide, the big bad wolves are coming for you. Stubby legs will never get you far, his teeth are when you beg for forgiveness. Fire eyes, forgiveness is foreign. The game is over, no chance for a time-out. Your heart is the first to go cold.

never the right words

2009-11-20T15:41:00.000-08:00

A million thoughts are swirling around in my brain, yet not the right organization to write a post. It's funny how sometimes I have so much to say, but never the right words to say it with. It's been one of those days where I just stare at the sky and contemplate life.

And my fingertips have smiley faces on them :)

on unschooling and friendships

2009-11-18T10:35:00.001-08:00

I think one of the many beauties of not going to school is that your friends can be any age. In school, you're stuck with everyone in your grade. So obviously, most of your friends would be that age. A freshman being best friends with a senior is just...unheard of. Not cool. Whatever.

But with unschooling, you are free! You can be friends with anymore, and there aren't any popular kids judging you for it.

I remember when I was a little kid, just five years old, I would go hang out at my neighbors house. Neighbors who were adults, and had no kids. Some were elderly, some were just young adults. But we would spend time together, baking cookies, talking, or sometimes, if they were busy, they'd just give me crayons and paper and I'd color while they worked at home. It was a really special relationship, and I'm still in contact with most of these people. I always had friends my own age to go to, as well as the teenagers who lived next door, but I loved having adult friends too.

Now, at age sixteen, my friends are all different ages. One of my really close friends is twenty four. She used to teach dance at my studio, which is where I met her. She's a dance major at university, and through her, I now know almost the entire dance department. I go to the shows and know everyones names. She's introduced me to some of her other friends, who are awesome, and my group of college aged friends just grows.

Some of my friends are younger too. I love how genuine little kids are, and they can tell when you're being genuine too. If you treat them like real people instead of baby-talking, they love it.

I'm actually having trouble thinking of a friend that is exactly my age. The closest to my age are at least a grade below or above me. In the long run, that doesn't really matter, does it? As adults, at a party, do you go around asking people how old they are, and if you're forty, and someone else forty-two, you don't say "oh, you're too old for me to play with!" do you?? No, it's just stupid. But a lot of people seem to think that the variety of aged friends I have is strange.

Oh well. They're the ones missing out :)

Yay for unschooling! And freedom!

Emily Bear

2009-11-17T09:32:00.000-08:00

I'd like you all to "meet" my favorite child prodigy, Emily Bear.

In that video, she is playing the first song she ever wrote, at age five. Since then, she has written over two hundred songs.

Amazing does not even begin to describe this child. She greatly inspires me is so many ways...

A little poem...

2009-11-14T16:59:00.001-08:00

I have a difficult time with waking up. It's a slooooooow process. Today, after listening to music for twenty minutes, I wrote this little poem before finally getting up for the day.

As winter surrounds me,
beckons me,
pleads with me,
I always give in.

Dirty hair hidden under wool hats,
like a dirty secret.
No one ever questions,
because wonder is permanent.

Slipping,
the hat falls.
The hair spills over the ground

Fighting is futile.
But instead of confessing,
I look to the sky.

the rather blunt version

2009-11-13T20:59:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to write this into a nice long post about unschooling and testing and university, blablabla, but I haven't been able to make the words come out right. SO, here, I'll just throw this at you.

I passed the GED.

Not only that, but I got a perfect score in one section (Language Arts).

Not only that, but the test administrator actually told me that my scores were high enough to any university in the state would accept me now. Like, right now, at age sixteen.

It's a lot to think about.

The university at age sixteen thing is not gonna happen, simply because I'm only sixteen, and I have tons of time left in my life to go to university, and tons of other things I want to achieve before giving up my freedom. I do want to, and plan on going to university, but not at age sixteen.

Overall, I'm feeling good about getting the GED, but there's one thing that has really bugged me about this whole experience: the way some people respond to learning that I passed the GED. Some people are extremely surprised, some people act like they always knew I could pass it, and some people (this is my least favorite category) act like this proved that I'm intelligent.

Like, *BOOM* Suddenly I'm smart! (according to them....)

UGH.

I have so many problems with this I don't know where to start. Intelligence should not have to be proved. The fact that we live in a society where we see intelligence as something that has to be proved makes me sick. As human beings, we are intelligent. We are brilliant wonderful creatures, every last one of us. Nothing has changed since I took that test, and yet, people are acting like I'm suddenly more intelligent.

Haven't you seen my intelligence, my whole life?

Anyhow, once I can get my thoughts together I'll try to write something better about all of this......Why I wanted the GED, how I went about getting it, the actual process, ect. ect. ect. But for now, at least you have this rather blunt version of my complicated thoughts. That's a good thing, right? Hopefully, hahaha...

the post in which I finally get around to answering all your questions

2009-11-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

Okay, first of all, when people comment and ask me questions, I am really bad about answering them. Since I've been putting this off for so long, I decided to put them all together in one post. If you have any more questions, or I somehow forgot yours, just comment and I'll do another one of these thingies again sometime!

I heard France is prohibiting people from smoking indoors.
YES, thank goodness, we didn't see anyone smoking in restaurants or in the hotel. If there had been smoking indoors, I would have been in some major breathing trouble.

About the England-France travel, did you go through the Chunnel? If you did, how was it?
Yup! We went through the Chunnel. The idea slightly scared me, but honestly, you go through so many tunnels that you can't really tell which one is the Chunnel, other then the fact that your ears start popping. We realized we were in France when the announcements switched to being in French first and English second, and then I was like, "Oh, we went through the Chunnel already?" It's not as big of a deal as it sounds.

(Referring to this post) I like the picture. It looks like fun. But I don't know. For you, is all this exciting, confusing, or both?
Exciting, Stressful, Confusing, Exhausting, and Wonderful are all words I would use to describe it.

As for the pregnant teen, sometimes it makes me wonder if its denial, stupidity, illiteracy, or a combination of the three that account for teen pregnancies.
Possibly, but I disagree. Everyone makes mistakes, and it could happen to the best of us....

How does hot chocolate taste? I like chocolate and need to try that?
Erm, by hot chocolate, I mean hot cocoa. Like, the drink? Am I the only one who calls it hot chocolate?

Have you read The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards?
YES, I read it a few years ago and loved it!

Acid reflux is annoying. Well, from what I've heard. Aren't those the ones making you think you're going to vomit?
Maybe? It doesn't make me feel like throwing up, but then again, mine is mostly Silent Reflux so I'm not sure if that changes things...

I have a huge crush on House. lol I know that sounds funny but I do. =x
You aren't the only one ;) also, you know who you are, and I miss you blog!!!!!

You broke your nose?! How cool is that! It's like the ultimate karate injury!
Well....yeah....haha, cool isn't exactly the first word the pops into mind (how 'bout painful? bloody?) but I guess it's kind of cool in a weird way! (more interesting then the usual breaks).

photos of paris!

2009-11-08T06:11:00.000-08:00

Okay, photo time!!!!

Confession: I don't have that many photos of England, because most of the time we were just hanging out with family not doing anything very exciting. I have a hundreds of photos of my adorable cousins, but I don't think those would be super interesting to you guys.

So here are few random ones of England....

The view out of my car window as we trekked across to country from one relatives house to the next. English countryside is so pretty....

A real, live, working telephone booth!

Some random castle ruin on the edge of town.

Now, let's move onto Paris!

Our beautiful (but small!) hotel room!

I wanted to see the Mona Lisa, but we had read that there are so many tourists, so many cameras flashing, so much security around the painting, that the whole experience is kind of ruined. So instead, we saw Monet's Water Lillies, which my mom has always loved. The photo does not do justice- it was even more amazing in person.

This beautiful park, Jadin du Luxembourg, was very close to our hotel. It was like the central park of Paris (and I actually liked it better then the central park of New York).

The Eiffel Tower!

Eiffel Tower from below....

View from the top. Yes, we went to the very top of the Eiffel Tower!!! The line was LONG, the price expensive, the weather freezing cold, but it was worth it!

My brother calls these things "puking statues", hahaha. There were a lot around Paris.

Notre Dame from a distance.

The details were stunning....love the old gothic look.

Inside was breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking. Words cannot describe the feeling when you walk in...

An obelisk. Only slightly random!

Typical Paris street. It's made out of cobblestone, see?

You could rent little sailboats at this pond...cute!

I've decided that I really like pigeons. I mean, really like pigeons. They're so cute, and plump, and cute!!!! AAAaaa! (Yes, I know how weird I am, and no, that doesn't lessen my obsession at all).

What I loved about Paris:

There was so much open space...the roads were narrow, but for pedestrians, there was so much free space!

Statues everywhere. On streetsides, in parks, outside churchs...

Being in a completely foreign country, where everything is totally different. The more I am outside America, the more I want to leave for good.

The gorgeous buildings.

My mom accidentally wishing someone "good morning" in Italian. Language mix-ups are hilarious.

The wonderful bakeries- I ate so much pain au chocolat (chocolate croissant) and tarte au citron (lemon tart).

The first french word I learned was "chocolat". Gotta know the necessities!

And much much more. This list would never end...the whole trip was so wonderful.

What I didn't like about Paris:

The smoking. People smoke everywhere. And smoking does not sit well with Paradoxical Vocal Cord Dysfunction, it really messes up my throat. If it wasn't smoke, it was perfume, which is also harsh on my throat.

There wasn't a lot of vegetarian food. Actually, there was near none. Even the salads have meat on them, sometimes raw meat! I guess I can't really complain, because we knew what we were in for, but it just made finding food very hard.

Biggest highlight of the entire trip:

My three year old cousin decided that he wants to marry me :)

where in the world was stella?

2009-11-07T09:12:00.000-08:00

This post is kind of short and choppy because I'm really exhuasted, so just bear with me here.

The correct answer is......EUROPE!!!!!

I was visiting my relatives over there! My mom is British, so all of her side of the family lives in England, which means we don't get to see them very often....but it was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and they were throwing this huge party, so of course we had to go :)

And since we were in England, we decided we might as well go to France, since it's just a short trip of the English Channel. So we went to Paris, which was AMAZING and also a nice break after an extreme overdose of relatives.

Now I am tired, jetlagged, and tired. Did I say tired? I'm tired. Hah. But I'll try to post some photos soon!

Poll!

2009-10-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

Today (actually tomorrow, but early enough for me to still consider it today!) I'm leaving on an adventure. I'm actually leaving the country, and to make this fun, I'm starting a poll! Try to guess where I'm going!! All guesses are anonymous, but if you already know where I'm going then you aren't allowed to guess!

The poll is on the upper left part of my blog, and the answer will be revealed after I return in a few weeks! I won't be blogging until I return, so see you in a few weeks! :)

*An afterthought*
Isn't unschooling great? You can randomly go off on these grand adventures in the middle of the school year!

never even daring to slow down

2009-10-22T09:39:00.000-07:00

This is me, on a swing, going so incredibly fast... Straight out of the camera, no editing whatsoever, all the blurry lines of speed are natural (or maybe it's my crappy camera being crappy again?).

Life is much like this photo. Crazy, fast, blurry.....never slowing down.

Quote(s) of The Day

2009-10-21T11:29:00.001-07:00

My mom: "Are you doing surgery on the toaster???"

My dad: "Don't worry! It's unplugged!!"

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!

2009-10-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

Actually, it isn't. Yet. But this photo reminded me of a movie, The Day After Tomorrow, which is basically about Global Warming/Cooling and how it ends the world. In a way much like the photo (despite how depressing that sounds, it's actually a very good movie and I recommend it to everyone). You can read more about it HERE.

Moving on, leaving the subject of the end of the world, let's talk about something more cheerful....such as, PUGS!!!! Hehehe, pugs are so cute, it's ridiculous. Everytime I see one I have an overwhelming urge to squeeze it, which is actually quite often since I have a pug of my own. She's the cutest little creature in the whole wide world and I think I'd have to punch anyone who dared to disagree with me (hahaha, but really, don't try it).

Anywayyyyy, I'll stop blathering on..... Sorry for all the silly posts lately, but my brain seems to be stuck in a constant state of humor. Heh.

This post started out ever so seriously, but then got really funny and out of control....because that's the way I tend to roll.

2009-10-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

*An afterthought, put at the beginning. Confusing?*
This post gets kind of silly, kind of fast. Just be warned.....

I have many, many favorite songs.....my "most favorite" song changes about every week. Right now, it's Jeremiah by Sara Groves. A Christian song, despite the fact that I am not Christian. Is it weird that I'm not religious, and yet, some Christian music I love? Probably. But who really cares! I'd give you a link to listen to it, but it's not on youtube, so you'll just have to make do with some lyrics :)

I was warming my hands by this little light of mine
but now I know it’s time
time to come in from the cold
Fight fire with fire, come fan the flame
come stir up these coals in my soul, in my soul
till it burns out of control

Anyway, since the long is titled Jeremiah, and seems to reference him (well, not in the sample of lyrics I gave you, but basically the entire rest of the song has to do with him) I was interested in who this Jeremiah was.

I found out it's refrencing the Prophet/Saint Jeremiah, which led me to read more about him. Rarely do I read the bible, and when I do it's out of curiosity, not worship, but it's definitely an interesting book.

ANYWAY, just thought I'd give you guys an example of how, as an unschooler, I learn. Because I seem to spark interest in really random things, my brain turns into a jumble of weird information. Sometimes it tends to spew out, unprovoked, and then everyone stares at me like "ummm, how do you know that and why do you think we care?"

And then I just laugh, while people look at me like an insane sort of beast. But I don't care, it just humors me further.

Speaking of laughter, the other day, I can't remember what it was, but something set me off. Something totally normal that normal people wouldn't bat an eyelash at. But me, I was in hysterics. My mom (while staring at me in slackjawed wonder/worry) said "what in the world is so funny?! It's like you have all these inside jokes with yourself!"

That is the perfect was to describe it. Almost unconsciously, I find humor in normal things, and when these things surface to my conscious thinking, I laugh and laugh and laugh.

And then I'll keep remembering it all throughout the day, and laughing at it again, even though the moment has long passed.

Needless to say, some people think I'm a bit strange. But I can't really bring myself to care :)

Normal is over-rated anyway.

*An afterthought, actually at the end! Wow!*
I told ya so.

Blogless

2009-10-17T22:50:00.001-07:00

I have no idea what to write. Well actually scratch that, I have plenty to write, but not the time or energy to write it right. I've started so many posts, but nothing ever flows right. Too much is happening, and I lack the words to describe it all. I'd rather just live my life instead of sitting around analyzing it.

But I have faith the my regular blogging habits shall return. Just bear with me for awhile.

incidents

2009-10-13T20:46:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, while walking around town, I saw a giant protest group (although they weren't really protesting, more just displaying their anger) with giant signs screaming "FOR AMERICA TO LIVE, COLUMBUS MUST DIE!!!" and "CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS: AMERICA'S FIRST TERRORIST". I didn't think much of it, just went on my way.

It wasn't until many hours later that I realized it was Columbus Day.....

AND,

Today, on the bus, I saw a pregnant teenager sitting under a big ad for birth control.

I couldn't decide if it was funny or sad.

The Little Red Dress

2009-10-10T20:14:00.001-07:00

I'm still kind of exhausted from my ER trip a few days ago, and my breathing has been funky. I was doing so well with my breathing troubles, I hadn't been to the ER in two whole months before last week!!! And now that it happened again, my vocal cords feel all twitchy and unhappy...Ugh, it's a hard feeling to explain but I do not like it!

But on a happier note, yesterday, I was out meandering around town when I came across the most brilliant red dress. It was so, so perfect for me, my skin tone, the color of my hair.....and to make the situation more perfect, it was at a thrift shop. Well, not a true hardcore thrift shop like Goodwill, but it was a used clothing store with reduced prices, which (I think) qualifies it as a thrift store.

BUT ANYWAY, it was at a thrift store, and for a relatively good price ($18!). I cannot imagine what it would be like full-price, since it is drop-dead gorgeous.

And of course I have photos, being the good blogger I am (HAH!) but unfortunately, they really don't do justice. It is so much better in person!!!

I'm not sure what to write about.....

2009-10-09T12:15:00.001-07:00

I could write about my new ballet shoes, and how they are the most wonderful shoes to ever grace my feet (well, besides my tap shoes, but that should be a given).

I could write about my new found interest in Darwin, mostly the more mundane details of his life, such as how he married his first cousin and had ten children.

I could write about the cashier who played a game, asking us to guess our grand total, and even though I was twenty dollars off, he gave me three chocolate bars as a prize, making my day.

I could write about the Duggar family, and how they have eighteen children.

I could write about my breathing struggles, and how I ended up in the ER a two nights ago (this is what, the tenth time this year?), only to have them give me the wrong medication which irritated my lungs, so we didn't get out of the ER until 4:30am and my lungs are still mad.

I could write about how much I really hate Paradoxical Vocal Cord Dysfunction and the Acid Reflux that provokes it.

But honestly, I'm in no mood to write anything. Because I'm exhausted, cranky, and I just want to blob out like a vegetable today. Writing requires too much brain power right now.

Hmmm........

2009-10-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream about Fred Astaire. He was teaching me how to walk with a cane and top hat, but tap dancing was never mentioned, hahaha!!! I woke up smiling :)

Craziness factors 1. 2. and 3! also Paronychia!

2009-10-06T09:20:00.000-07:00

So, despite my plans and awesome powers of whipping a dance together in one weekend, I did not audition for the talent show. Why? Well, I suddenly realized how insanely busy I already am, and that adding rehearsals and shows is not such a good idea at this point.

1. I'm taking the GED test next week.

2. I'm leaving the country later this month.

3. I'm currently in the process of switching dance schools.

ALSO, I've suddenly developed Paronychia, which is a bacterial infection of the nail-bed. I have it in my big toe, which makes walking hurt like crazy since my toe is bright red and full of pus (nice visual, I know....). It is still possible for me to dance, however, it hurts like crazy.

So, after my moment of reality check, I did not audition. And I am okay with it :) I will talk about the craziness factors (1, 2, 3,) in another post (actually, they should probably each get their own posts!).

Toodles for now, dear readers, I'm off to go baby my poor infected toe.

Dance dance dance.....since I'm too tired to write anything that requires much brain-power :)

2009-10-03T13:11:00.000-07:00

The performance today went really well, actually much better then I was expecting! Somehow, my solo ended up being awesome, which surprised me. Had a little moment of "holy cow, how did that just come out of my feet?!" but then I decided not to question it, instead, just enjoy it :) Improv is tricky like that- since you're making it all up on the spot, there's no saying if it's going to be terrible or amazing.

After the performance, my friend Liza and I went off to the outdoor market and milled around. We found some wonderful hot chocolate, and I greatly enjoyed the smell of being surrounded by fresh veggies. MMMmmmmm!

Annnnnnnnd, I've almost created an entire tap dance in less then 24 hours, although it still needs some cleaning up. But I think it will work well for the audition on Monday!! Now all I need is to find a tuxedo and top-hat (my dream costume!).

exhausted and amused.

2009-10-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

I am so exhausted right now. It's almost ridiculous- the extent of my exhaustion.

Yesterday I danced for three and a half hours straight, with no breaks whatsoever. And now I am tired and sore, and walking up the stairs nearly kills me because my poor legs hurt so much.

BUT, I love it. I love this feeling, it's like victory to me! My muscles are growing and becoming even stronger, I'm dancing well and pushing myself to improve.

Tomorrow I'm performing with a live jazz band, and I even have a super small solo where I trade counts with the drummer (which means: onstage improv between only me and the drummer), and then on Monday I think I'm going to audition for a talent show, although I have no idea what I'm going to do. Well, I know I'm going to tap dance, but besides that, I haven't figured out a routine or anything.....So I also need to work out an entire tap dancing act before Monday.

SOOOOO, both my body and brain are pretty fried at this point, but before I go soak my feet in warm water, here are some more crazy photos from my backyard..... The deer are getting really frisky and playful towards anything they encounter, which is quite amusing to watch!

the crazy happenings in my own backyard.....

2009-10-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

Remember when I wrote about our ~~freaking animal sanctuary~~ backyard, and the deer vs. turkey shenanigan? Well folks, this is part two! Turkey vs. cat!

This time, the neighbors cat was stalking the turkeys, and the turkeys stood their ground. I mean, really, the cat didn't stand much of a chance against all those turkeys.... So nobody fought, they just pranced around each other for awhile. And my dad got a photo!

The arrow is pointing to the cat (it's pretty well camouflaged, so I thought I should point it out).

*Disclaimer*
I do not encourage animal fighting in any way.

glorious books!

2009-09-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

My good friend Gemma and I have sort of subconsciously started this book trading thing with each other......we're both bookworms, and have similar tastes, so we're constantly lending books and talking about them.

Our newest craze is Jodi Picoult, who is fabulous.

Everyone seems to think that My Sister's Keeper is her best book, but I disagree. Change of Heart was a million times better in my point of view, the characters, plot, ending, everything. It's about a guy on death row. And that's really all I can say without spoiling anything, so you should all just go out and read it if you're curious. Because it is brilliant and compelling. It questions religion, and makes you think about life, death, and the universe.

Just read it. You won't be sorry.

Right now I'm reading Nineteen Minutes, which is turning out to be more depressing than anything else, but still gripping. Just more of a downer then her other ones.

Ohhhh, I love reading......I don't understand how anyone could dislike it, but I guess everyone is different.

Sunday Mornings

2009-09-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

Pancakes are so the right way to start off Sunday mornings!

And then a cuddle with your pug......

Lounging around in your pajamas for a ridiculously long time.

Just taking it easy.

That's what my Sundays are like :)

the roughest toughest frail

2009-09-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

According to dictionary.com, the definitions of "frail" are*:

1. Having delicate health; not robust; weak: My grandfather is rather frail now.
2. Easily broken or destroyed; fragile.

You see, I've been singing this song loudly and often, it's called Minnie The Moocher by Cab Calloway. It's an old song, but very fun to sing off-key and loud.

Hey folks here's the story bout minnie the moocher
She was a lowdown hoocie coocher
She was the roughest toughest frail
But minnie had a heart as big as a whale

After about the eleventh time singing it today, I realized something.

She was the roughest toughest frail

Those lyrics made my jaw drop. Why? Because they are just perfect.

Let's back up here for a second....... Last week, when I was sick with the flu, someone actually had the nerve to ask me "If I have always been so sickly?" referring to everything that has happened this year, and now, the flu. That made me mad. I don't think I'm that sickly! This year has just had a bunch of freak-occurrences; the ten ER visits, being admitted the hospital, surgery, and three new diagnosis'. But I honestly don't consider myself sickly at all, and the fact that others do is rather disgruntling.

Anyway, when I heard those lyrics, they seemed to perfectly apply to me. People might see me as frail or sickly, but really, I'm tough. If others are going to consider me frail, then I'm just going to keep thinking roughest toughest frail.

*Upon further research, I have discovered that in Harlem (NYC) in the 1930s, "frail" was used as slang for women, which is probably what the song is referring to. I'm probably the only one who hears it with the other definition, but so what :)

delusion

2009-09-25T13:36:00.000-07:00

Death is inevitable. But instead of constantly fearing it, shouldn't we move on, and make our lives matter while we're still living?

I never want to fade away. Nobody wants to fade away. But that's something we have to accept about life. We will all die, and eventually, fade away.

Memories may get fuzzy, but I doubt they could ever fade away. So the best we can do is to try and leave a memory with the world. How can I help? How can I make a difference? How can I affect the world in a good way?

The "average American" (or even, average human) statistics make me sick. Is it possible that I was born in the wrong place? Surrounded by a society that revolves around fashion, cell phones, TV, high-powered jobs. Everyone enjoys those things, but they can never provide a life time of happiness. They can only leave us feeling fooled. Deceived into thinking that we're happy, but how would you know, if you've never experienced the real thing?

What would happen if we just abandoned it all and did something meaningful?

There are so many people in pain, suffering. Not enough food or water. Not enough money. Why does money have to make the world go 'round? It's so ridiculous.

We try to forget. Just forget that our clothes come from sweatshops, that the chemicals sprayed on our food probably killed some workers, that slavery still exists in some places.

But if we can't see it, then it's made possible to just push out of our minds. We can try to forget, but won't our conscious always be nagging? I like to think so. I like to think that maybe, under everything, we really do care. But society has morphed us not to care. Instead we focus on such stupidity.

But WHY don't we care? We don't we help? How can we let fellow human beings stave? Or go without clean water? HOW can we let that happen? It should leave us feeling unbelievably guilty, but instead, we push it out of minds, and focus on other "more important" things.

Oh, and then there's the people who think that the world is too big, too daunting, that nothing will ever happen so why bother trying?

WHY? WHY IS THE WORLD MESSED UP SO BAD?!

Why is it so hard to make a difference? Why is it so hard to speak truth? Why is it so hard to find other individuals who are willing to make a difference, and have the courage to do it?

If you can't bother to TRY, what is the point? How do you live with yourself? How do you get up, go to work, pay your bills, and repeat? Don't you ever think there may be more to life, that you're missing because it's too daunting? Human beings are such selfish, cowardly creatures. How can I be part of it? How can the world be so complicated?

We can be ashamed of our faults. But never let shame stop us from achieving, instead, let it empower us further. Turn it into inspiration, inspiration to change, and do that. Change the world. It starts with only one step. We can do it.

Fire! and some cuteness...

2009-09-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

There's some crazy forest fire that has been burning close to where I live.....not close enough to evacuate, I think it's still a few towns over, but close enough to fill the sky with smoke, and to shower everything with ashes.

It's quite eerie.

On a brighter note, here's a cute quote that came from my cousins. We were playing this game together, and Ryan was winning in a major way.

Six-year-old Ryan: "WOW, I'm winning this game so fast, I don't even know how I'm doing it!"

Four-year-old Mary: "God must have turned on your speed powers Ry-Ry!"

It was one of the most adorable things I have ever witnessed. Her little four year old voice made it even cuter :) Awwww, I love my cousins....

The good/painful/bad/weird but then again, GOOD news!

2009-09-23T08:52:00.001-07:00

Good news: I've finally gotten over whatever flu bug I had!!!! Yippee!!

Painful news: Yesterday I had to go to the doctors so they could put a scope up my nose and down my throat, and that thing was the size of a freaking pencil!!!! Imagine pushing a pencil up your nose....so far it goes up and over, and then down, way down into your throat.......ow.....it did NOT feel good at all! But-

Bad/Weird news: They discovered that I have acid reflux, which is bothering my vocal cords and aggravating my Paradoxical Vocal Cord Dysfunction. There were literally scorch marks in my throat where the acid had burnt the tissues.....(hmmm, so that explains that awful feeling in my throat).... They're putting me on medication that will stop my stomach from producing acid, and I have to be on said medication for six months. SIX MONTHS.

But this is all actually kind of good news, because now one of the biggest problems in my throat can be fixed! Yay!!!!!!!

Still sick. And it sucks.

2009-09-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

I am still sick. And it really, really sucks.

Fever.
Sore throat.
SNOT. Need I say more?

And my whole body just feels so heavy, heavier then it's ever felt before in my entire life. Like it's weighing me down. My brother asked me why I was moving so slowly, and that's when I really realized how much the heaviness was affecting me. Bleh. I don't like it at all.

When I was really sick, with my back and everything, I thought it was so obnoxious when people complained over something so simple as the flu. But here I am, stooping to my own pet peeve. Seriously though, people are out battling cancer or Lupus, and I'm complaining of the flu?

AAAAAAA, I guess I'm only human.........

I've been sick since last Saturday though.....a week. That's what discourages me. BUT, I will get over this, I'm sure, just hopefully sooner rather than later.

Blehhhh.

2009-09-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

I don't feel good :(

I think I have the flu? Or something similar? Bleh. I just do not feel good.

Sorry for not writing much lately. I'm gonna have to recover from this flu-y feeling before I can write anything mildly intelligent. Sorry!

Hmmm.

2009-09-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

Today the sky is gray.

The clouds are looming over our heads, threatening to downpour at any second.

The trees are orange.

The grass is sort of brown-ish, still recovering from the summer heat, but not really trying to become green again, since Autumn is upon us.

Lots is happening. Lots is changing.

And not just with mother nature.

It's funny that when crazy things are happening in my life, I don't want to write about them. Instead, I seem to babble mindlessly.

But when I have absolutely nothing going on, I can write deep philosophical things about life's decisions.

Hmmm.

Deer vs. Turkey, and other random-ness.

2009-09-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

So today, me and my brother were outside in our backyard (which I should mention is like a freaking animal sanctuary) watching a turkey meander around, when we noticed that a deer was approaching it. The turkey didn't seem fazed by the ever-nearing deer, and just stood there until finally, the deer was right next to it. Obviously curious, the deer sniffed the turkey's neck, and when the turkey didn't do anything, the deer continued snuffling it's back, and it looked almost like it was preening it! This was almost unbearably cute, but what happened next was one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed. The deer started doing this playful prancing around thing, and then raised one of it's legs and BOPPED THE TURKEY!!!! The turkey fluffed up it's wings, scaring away the deer, and then scampered off, and by this time, both me and my brother were in hysterics!

Ohmygosh it was funny. I think you probably had to be there to even comprehend how funny it was, but believe me, it was funny.

In other news:I recently read Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult, which is about five-year-old Willow who was born with Osteogenisis Imperfecta. Her parents question suing for wrongful birth, and it's quite gripping at some parts. But at others, the details seem to drag the storyline down, making reading it feel like slogging through wet concrete. Some parts really upset me and then left me feeling depressed for awhile. However, I still liked the book. I loved it, even enough to buy it! Reading it also led me to frantically research Osteogenisis Imperfecta- which sparks my curiosity in a major way. I'd recommend this book to anyone interested in medical conditions, or wrongful birth lawsuits.

Don't Stop Believing

2009-09-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

While watching Glee (see last post) I also heard this song for the first time.

Some will win, some will lose
Some are born to sing the blues
And now the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Don't stop believing
Hold on to that feelin'

I keep repeating those words, over and over in my head.

Don't stop believing

Because right now, that's what keeps me going. My life is changing so fast, sometimes it seems like everything is just spinning out of control, but I keep believing in my dreams. Nobody can take my dreams away from me, nobody can stop me from going after them with all my might, so I will give everything it takes to achieve them.